Toddler Drama

Shane is a dramatic three-year old.

He does not like to be told no.

When Shane wants chocolate and he is offered a banana, he pouts and shuts himself in his room. There is a childproof cap on the knob in his room.

Shane locks himself in time-out.

This does not seem like a good protest strategy to me.

Shane has begun to impose exile on himself more often.

Today, Shane wanted to hop on ABC Mouse and I said no.

He marched up to his room.

I let him out a few minutes later.

Yesterday, Shane disagreed when Mommy offered him the wrong drink.

He marched up to his room.

I let him out a few minutes later.

Thursday morning, I kissed Carrie.

Shane locked himself in his room.

We let him out...later.

If Shane's trying to guilt trip us, it's not working. If anything, it's a convenient time to fix a cup of coffee, switch loads of laundry, or what have you. I'll let him stew/process up there for a while longer than I normally would for a time-out. Then I go up and start asking reflection questions.

Me: "Shane, who locked you in your room?"   Shane: "I did."

Me: "Why did you lock the door?"   Shane: "I was mad/sad. I wanted _________, but you said no."

Me: "Did going to your room get you __________?"   Shane: "No."

Me: "Maybe you should leave your door open."

I try to make it clear that it was not a time-out; It was a choice. I try to offer positive alternative solutions, but Shane's only three and a half. There are some pretty funny conversations, but they're not the deepest!

I figured Shane would catch on pretty quick that his master plan wasn't working, but he hasn't. He probably likes the feel of control. I'm waiting for the day he clues in and slams the door while he's outside the room. For now, he's so theatrical stomping around I know exactly where he is without needing to move a muscle.

I like this strategy of his much better than some of his old ones. Sometimes, Shane looks me in the eye and then tries to hit or throw something after a correction. My mantras have been variations of "You can't be bad, because you're mad," or "I know you're sad, but that doesn't mean you can be bad." The goal is to recognize the emotion, but not validate the inappropriate behavior. I'm working on rhyme recognition, too, if you can't tell!

I wonder if Shane's going to hate having a teacher for a parent, or if he'll look back and be thankful for it one day. I think the self-imposed exiles will be a funny story to tell him about when he's older.