Love Languages

One of the most useful assignments Carrie and I got in premarital counseling was to read "The 5 Love Languages."

It's a quick simple read, but that doesn't make the knowledge within any less valuable.

The basic idea is that people express and receive love in 5 different ways: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical affection, quality time, and gifts. The love language you tend to express your love in is typically the one that means the most to you when you are receiving.

The book goes on to give many examples of how two people can be expressing love, but the other person is not fully receiving/feeling it.

For example, a husband who's love language is acts of service could always doing yard work, maintenance around the house to show his love....and then he's shocked when his wife complains that he never shows he loves her! Her language could be physical affection, quality time, words of affirmations or gifts. While the wife is very appreciative of her husband's hard work what she really wants is for him to pass up on the chores and be with her.

I bring this up to explain a little bit more about how I tick (you know, just in case!).

Primarily, I'm an acts of service and physical affection kind of guy.

I feel like I show my love for my wife and my son when I'm doing things for them. Clean dishes? check. Trash out? check. If my wife is working in the house, I usually feel compelled to work on something as well to show her how much I love her (and that I'm not a deadbeat!). If my wife and I have a disagreement, I tend to do chores or something I consider productive until we reconcile.

On the physical side, I'm a drive-by hugger. It's the ADHD. I don't always stick around long, but I have very few inhibitions about quick public displays of affection. I tend to give my wife a big hug, hand squeeze, shoulder rub,  or kiss and then wander off when something shiny catches my eye. With Shane, I like to wrestle or push him around with my head. I muss his hair up a little every night after bedtime prayers when I say good night. Part of it is I feel like today's society is so "hands off or you'll be sued" that I enjoy being able to be in contact with my loved ones.

On a funny note: I'm pretty sure I get the acts of service aspect of my personality straight from my dad. I always considered him something of a work-a-holic growing up, but that's how he shows his love. The rule was: if mom's sick, hide! When Nana was sick or upset, the whole house was going to be cleaned from top to bottom. If Pop-Pop saw you while he was working...consider yourself enlisted! I remember sneaking out to read a book on a hammock one time. Pop-Pop got all the other kids who were home working and couldn't find me. I thought I was really clever until Pop-Pop delegated enough in-house duties that he decided to do some outdoors work while the weather was good! Guess who he found?!

I wonder what Shane's languages will be when he grows up. From the way he likes to cling-to and nuzzle Carrie when he says "Daddy bye-bye," I suspect he'll be a physical guy on some level. Only time will tell.