Allow me to explain.
When your child is upset, you're upset. When they are excited, so are you. The difference is that you cannot control your child's emotions, so you get to ride along whatever roller coaster they drag you on!
Parenting is definitely an endurance sport. Once that little one takes his first breath, you're on duty until the day you die. Sounds morbid doesn't it? (I tend to look at things in a "what's my duty?" sort of way sometimes.) Even when Shane's asleep, I have a monitor nearby in case he may need me. The whole parenting gig started off with broken and missing sleep, and even though Shane's sleeping well now I've had to redefine what rest and relaxation means to me. Many times, I spend my off time doing tasks and chores that need to be done so that my on time will be easier to bear. There are some days I feel burnt out and drained of energy by evening. Those are the days I lay on the floor counting down to baby bedtime and supervising Shane by letting him crawl all over me and manhandle my ears and hair. Those are the days I wonder if I'm a good parent or not.
On the other hand, parenting can also be a rush. When my boy smiles, I feel like everything is going to work out fine. Watching Shane learn a new task or get really excited about something is contagious. Things that I find mundane and boring (like opening a door), become entertaining to watch when Shane's the one straining to reach the handle. I'm really looking forward to the discoveries he's going to make in the coming year! Hopefully, I'll get lots of pictures and videos too, because they're a joy to flip back and look through. Secondly, Shane's instilled in me a strong sense of duty and purpose when it comes to his care. I've never worked harder around the house or at work now that everything I do I feel as if I'm not doing it just for me. I'm doing it for my boy who's counting on me. There's some stress associated with that, but I feel like it's "growing" stress instead of the "tear you down" variety. Finally, being a parent has taught me A LOT. I've read and read, and thought about a lot of things in new ways. For one, I have infinitely more empathy for anyone who's a parent now! Plus, I know that being a homemaker is not the racket I once thought it was. I'd rather be working (unless of course the boy were to be in school most of the day and then I'd reconsider!)
The bottom line is: would I do it again knowing what I now know? Yes. I'd take a second child if the opportunity came along. I feel like being a parent has been a growing experience for me, and I'm looking forward to seeing my son grow more.
On a sadder note: I received an email this week that hurt to read. I further highlighted to me just how blessed and what a privilege it is that I even have a son. I'll copy it in here, but delete the names so you can read it if you wish. It's an announcement from someone I know that they've discovered their unborn child's brain and spine never fully developed and life outside the womb is not viable. Carrie and I didn't announce her pregnancy until we were sure we'd gotten past the most common miscarriage point (because they happen far more often than people think), and I spent most of the pregnancy praying that my son would be born healthy (working with all of the exceptions to the rule in special ed does wonders for the imagination of an expectant father).
Anyway, click if you want to read the email and remember: kids are a blessing if you have them....no matter how tired you are at any given moment! I'm still amazed it's been over a year for me.
"Dear friends and family,
It is with a heavy heart that we come to you today with news about our little Baby -------. The past few weeks, we've undergone numerous tests and procedures to determine the health and well being of Baby --------. This week, we received a diagnosis that unfortunately breaks our hearts.
Baby ------has a neural tube defect and does not have a fully developed spine, skull or brain. The medical term is anencephaly. There are more specific details and stories of other families at the following website if you'd like to read more. http://anencephaly.info/e/
From the beginning of each of our pregnancies, we have always wanted to be surprised by the gender of our baby. It's such a joy to find out this news in the delivery room and then share it with others. However, upon hearing the details of anencephaly and that survival after birth is not viable, we decided to find out the gender of our baby now. Even if only for a short time, we'd like to introduce you to the newest member of the ------family... Solomon ---- --------.
Because life outside of the womb is not viable, we were given the option of terminating the pregnancy early. We have not chosen that option and are going to carry on with the pregnancy as long as the Lord wills. We will make each decision day by day as we need to, with His guidance being our driving force. There are a number of outcomes that can take place over the next four months. There is a possibility of miscarriage. There is a possibility of early death in the womb and then labor would have to be induced to bring Solomon out. There is a possibility that Solomon will grow full term and we will go into labor around 40 weeks, but he will be stillborn. And there is a possibility that Solomon will actually be born with a heartbeat and breathing on his own, and that we could hold him and love him for a few minutes before he goes to be with the Lord.
We are at peace with each of these possibilities, but we know they all be equally difficult to cope with when the time actually approaches. Over these next few weeks and months, we ask for your continued prayers of wisdom, encouragement and peace. We also ask for prayers for our other children, ----------and ---------, and the inevitable discussions that will be occurring with them over time about baby Solomon.
We ask for prayers for little Solomon that he will indeed feel love in whatever capacity he is able to and that when the time comes, the Lord will take him peacefully into His loving arms. We do have a peace in knowing that God had this in His plan all along and we pray that other friends and family will have this same peace as well. The Lord entrusted us to create this little baby five months ago and care for it. But, we now realize that Solomon's place was never intended to be here on earth. We have been chosen by God to create a beautiful life whose sole purpose will be to peacefully transition into God's arms to love Him and be loved by Him for eternity.
Solomon will never know heartbreak, fear, guilt, shame or hurt, but he will
know Love.
We thank God for entrusting us with this responsibility and we strive to be the best parents possible to all of our children, whatever God's timing is.
As Christmas approaches, we are reminded this year more than any other year prior about the huge gift that a single newborn child can be. Jesus Christ came in the form of a newborn baby whose sole purpose in life was to show the world God's love, grace and mercy. As Christ grew into a man, he taught lessons that are forever recorded in our Holy Bible. Our family believes that Jesus Christ is the son of God and belief in Him is the only true way to Heaven. We pray that somehow, someday, somewhere, through our story of baby Solomon, that others will know the love, grace and mercy of Christ in their own lives.
In Christ Alone,
---------------------------------"
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