The Most Awkward Poop I've Ever Taken

Yes, you read the title right.

Alone time quickly disappears as a parent. Especially if your spouse is working or otherwise out of the house.
This morning I was alone with the boy, dog and cats.

My bowels refused to wait for nap time.

I went into the bathroom to do my thing, and lo and behold my son charged in. In his wake, the dog slipped in. Shane then slammed the door shut leaving a boy and a dog co-habitating a small half-bathroom with me. I reached from my throne to open the bathroom door, but a cat started to poke her head in. The last thing I wanted was to add another species to the menagerie keeping me company. I'm not sure if she would have come in with Brogan there, but I knew he wasn't going to leave with the cat guarding the door (the wuss).

Shane slammed the door shut. It's what he loves to do: slam doors shut. The damn dog licked my feet while Shane was banging cabinet drawers and spinning the toilet paper roll.

What's a parent to do?

It was my most awkward poo.

Ever.

Mornings with Brogan

Brogan is set on winning over everyone he meets. I suspect it's partly out of fear and a survival strategy (he is a bit of a wuss). On the other hand, he is a real lovebug and genuinely wants to please. Carrie taught him how to shake hands in under an hour. Now that Brogan knows it pleases her, he randomly thrusts paws at her throughout the course of the day.

He's a good boy. Even Jama says so! Brogan gets high marks in attitude, friendliness, gentleness, and looks. I'm really enjoying his addition to our family...when it's not bedtime or first thing in the morning.

Loved and Hated: Life as a Parent

Shane and I wrestled around the couch for 15 minutes today. There were lots of laughs and giggles. It started when I laid down and pretended to snore. Shane dashed over! He 'woke' me up and then dragged himself up onto my chest. We made faces and practiced locating our eyes and noses until he wedged himself between me and the cushions. Then the boy kicked me off my own couch! My beard is a devious weapon though and it particularly tickles on the back of a neck of when giving a raspberry. It was one of those glorious moments of fun where my son is beaming and I feel like I'm the right parent for the task.

It's not always like that.

Shane and I have the love and hate relation that defines most parent/child bonds. Shane hates it when I don't let him: A) run in the street, B) eat the kitty litter, C) grab the dog's dong, D) run barefoot through a chigger infested lawn in the triple digit heat, etc, etc. Sometimes, it seems like there's more things I do that Shane doesn't like than he loves about me.

Diapers are not meant to be worn for days.

No hands in the toilet.

We don't pull cat or dog tails. None of them are meant to be sat upon like a horse and ridden or bounced on, either.

Yes, there is a stairwell and no, I'm not going to let you cartwheel down it. (Actually, I've taught Shane to 'sit and scoot' and he's pretty into it at this point, so this doesn't scare me like it used to).

Parenting requires setting limits for your child until they can set reasonable limits for themselves. Shane does not want limits and feels like they are totally unnecessary for him. Whenever I do say the dreaded 'No' or pull him away from hitting the TV with the remote Shane makes his displeasure very clear. It's also evident when we go to Nana's house and he cries when he sees me. I'm the jerk who straps him into the car and makes him wait half an hour to see Nana as I drive him over. Plus, I take him from Nana for another agonizing 30 minute car ride home.

It's all part and parcel of being a good parent. There have to be limits, and your child is probably not going to like them. Maybe one day Shane will read this when he's older and say "Really? That bothered me?" He's quite the strong-willed child now!

Thankfully, there's enough other things I apparently do right that I see my son's love too. He wakes up to me singing "Good Morning to you!," I'm usually the face he sees before and after naps, he calms down when I sing, I take him outside the most, and almost every night I sing to him and lull him to sleep. Those moments make everything worth it. I'm looking forward to when Shane's a little older and he can communicate and think logically about cause and effect. I hope he doesn't lose the enthusiasm and energy he shows now. He wears me out, but I see enough love that it's worth it and I have high hopes for the future.

Hang in there, Shane. It's like Mark Twain once said, "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

Shane, I hope one day you'll be my age and wondering "How much work is parenting really!!?! My dad made this look easy!"

Plus, that'll mean I have grandkids and I get to be the spoiler.

Green-Eyed Boy

Shane got to visit Jama, Nana, Kathleen, and Baby Cole again on Wednesday. He was a darling Tuesday, but two days of sharing Nana did not appeal to him. I started to see some signs of jealousy when she was carting around Baby Cole. Of course, it may have just been that Shane decided he wanted to be held and couldn't understand why Nana couldn't pick him up as well. My son may not be jealous, but believe that Nana is a whole lot stronger than she really is!

Cole's about 10 pounds at 2 months. Shane's a shade over 30 pounds on an empty diaper. Nana would be in a back-brace after sporting each boy on different hips!

Kathleen and Cole are leaving today, so my family is going to visit after nap time. Carrie and Shane are both snoozing as I write this. Kathleen is supposed to leave around six though, so I hope they wake up soon!

A Good Sign?

So I got a call from the school that interviewed me yesterday. They said they couldn't get in touch with any of my references. The lady on the phone said "Shock. It's summer. Can we speak to your principal?"

I must have done something right if they actually want to talk to people about me.

I wonder if my principal knew I was applying for these types of positions or not. I filled out the intent form and listed it. I told at least two out of three APs and my department chair, but I never talked directly to him about it. In a school of well over a hundred staff, he's not someone I typically come into contact with. Hmmm.....food for thought.

Carrie's already told me, "Accept the job if it's offered. You'd be great at this." The only thing that scares me is the commute. Right now, I have a short commute that avoids non-construction related traffic. This new school is in the heart of Gridlock-dannia.

I am excited. Even if I don't get the job, it's good to know that I was in the running for my county's magnet school. There was a line I dropped in the interview that could have killed me or hurt me in all this. The principal was mentioning how the staff and children at his school were all very intelligent, asked lots of questions, and liked to jump right in with new technology/etc. It felt to me like a roundabout way of saying they are 'well-meaning and inquisitive, but high-maintenance and challenging because of that.

I replied, "You mean you have more doctors and future doctors here than your average hospital." It was genuine Mike comment. I produced smiles around the table and they called about my references today, so I guess it was well received!

Here's to praying I get this job if it's the right one for me. Otherwise, I hope they don't offer.

Interviewing Again

I had another interview today. That's 3 interviews from 15 applications. I felt like it went pretty well. It was another panel interview, but the people at the table conversed some rather than staring at me blank-faced the whole time. I'm much more comfortable when I can read people, and I also felt more prepared for this one. Last time, Shane was super-needy the night before and day of and I never got a chance to research the school. This time, I didn't make the same mistake.

There was a funny incident at the end of the process. After the panel, I was required to type a written response to two questions. Twenty minutes were allotted. When time ran out, the secretary came in and told me to print.

No printers were installed.

The secretary was flabbergasted. At first, she seemed to think I'd done something. Instead of hitting the keyboard shortcut she wanted me to click up top. I mentally shrugged and did as she asked (people tend to perseverate on a point if you don't at least show them their way doesn't work either).

No dice. Microsoft Image Writer does not yield paper copies no matter how nicely you ask.

After the secretary saw her way didn't work, I told her I could install the printer for her if she knew the network name for it. She told me her printer was 'HP3880.' Does that sound suspiciously like a printer type to you? It certainly wasn't a network name! I ended up installing the front office printer and I set it as a default for her, so that no other interview candidates would face printing problems.

Was the uninstalled printer a happy coincidence to show my skills or a subtle staged event? It occurred to me at the onset, that it could be staged. I don't care what it was. I was happy to show I knew what I was doing. If the secretary mentions I fixed things, it may be what gets me a job offer.

Here's to hoping and praying!

Heat Warning: Shane Wants Outside!

It's another triple digit day. Most animals know better than to venture forth. When the asphalt burns toes and can cook eggs it's nature's way of saying  "stay indoors." Brogan wants no part of it. Whenever I do take him out in the backyard he runs under the porch, digs a hole, and lies in it. The only way to get him out of the hole is to drag him or pretend to go inside.

Shane, on the other hand, keeps bringing me shoes to wear. He can't understand why we aren't outside right now. The boy lives to be outside regardless of the heat index. He gets very angry when Dada or the dog argue otherwise.

I swear, my son's probably going to be on safari in the heart of Africa with only a spoon and a canteen twenty-years from now. Look out, lions.

Kathleen's in Town!

My sister Kathleen and her son, Cole, are visiting! Shane and I scooted over to visit while Carrie took Brogan to  his training class. Much to my surprise, Shane was gentle with the 2-months old Cole! He would reach out and touch Cole and gently put his head on him.

Imagine my surprise and delight my son can be gentle when Shane tries to barrel roll all over the dog, grab dog tail, or ride the dog like a horse. Shane sometimes lays down next to Brogan and thrusts his feet down to drill right into the dog's penis. He's even dropped/thrown books off the couch onto the dog! Whenever I protect Brogan or pull Shane away it normally makes my son very angry. Shane can't understand what's wrong with grabbing for or trying to put his face into Brogan's boy parts.

Hallelujah that Shane is much nicer with babies! My sister took some pictures that I'll want to post. Cole is very cute. He's blonde, blue-eyed, and fair-skinned like his mother and father. I can't really place who he looks like yet. He's very verbal though, so he probably gets that from my sister! Stu's more the quiet, well-timed sarcastic remark type. Cole would grunt, coo, and snore to let everyone know he was there.

I love how bright, cheerful, and full of my life my family can be. Carrie has to travel to a park tomorrow, but we'll do a full family visit sometime tomorrow.

That was a first

I've never had a large dog crawl into my lap and then pee on me before.

Thanks, Brogan!

My Wife Fixed the M key

The title says it all.

Carrie had a productive day. She woke up before Shane, went downstairs, and immediately came back upstairs.  I was already awake from her getting out of bed, but I had hoped to lollygag and enjoy Shane sleeping in past 6:20. Instead, Carrie proclaimed "Ants!" and I knew my sleeping time was through.

Carrie was an ant-killing machine. I was still groggy and went to work standing in the yard while Brogan sniffed around. I came back and saw the massacre. They're ants, so they'll be back, but my wife gave them something to think about!

Add 'Ants' to the to-do list in the meantime. They're right under 'Chigger infested yard.' Shane upset that I won't let him in the yard much, but his bites are mostly healed. In the meantime, the dog and I have gotten the worst of it. I noticed Brogan rolling around and itching like crazy today. I've been scratching my own itches, so I hadn't picked up that he was getting bit too. Have I mentioned chigger central yet? I almost wrote a post way back when complaining about boxers and "how in the world did mosquitos get in there!?" Anyway, ants and chiggers. Oh my. I'm glad we moved just before summer started so we can take discover and take care of all the little peccadilloes before work starts in earnest again.

Thankfully, Carrie fixed the laptop so I could mention it!