Trying to Find Friends

If there's one area I feel Shane's life is lacking it's in really close friends.

Shane is a super extrovert. He has a ton of acquaintance-level friends and people he knows through school and activities. He's really good at going up to random kids on playgrounds or places and introducing himself. He's been around a lot of younger kids and does well with them, too.

However, that requires a different set of social skills than nurturing close connections over time. Shane can say, "Look at me! Let's do this!" Then he'll charge off and inevitably someone will follow because it looks like Shane is having so much fun.

Shane has more trouble listening and learning to compromise. He wants to do what he wants to do. Then he wants other people to join him and share in the fun. If Iggy and Sam say they'd rather play soccer, Shane will wander off on his own and hope they join him. He will call over wondering when they're done as they play rather than going with the group decision. One of the reasons I suspect he's good with younger kids is because he can normally direct/talk them into different games or activities he has at least a passing interest in!

My family was large, so I grew up with my siblings wherever I went. I've, also, been blessed with friends I've known for many, many years. The earliest family my family bonded with was the Jeffers when I was three.

I have not found that for Shane. He loves his cousins and knows a lot of my friends, but none of them live in Charlottesville.

I don't regret meeting anyone I'm about to mention, but it's not been the same as my childhood with spending the night at a friend's and spending tons of time and experiences together.

The first candidate were the Lutfis. I really liked both parents, their parenting philosophies, they were our neighbors, and went to our church! I hoped Shane would learn Arabic with Daniel. We moved, and then they moved, though.

Shane spent a lot of time with Bryce the month before we left NOVA, but that was destined to be short-term. We've seen him on some of our trips when we go back north and will continue to do so. I've known Bryce's dad for years and years as a family friend of my parents.

After we came to Cville, Shane met Raheem. We've done a lot with Rah, but he's over 3 years older than Shane and can disappear on weekends. I've talked to two of his step-dads and his mom and trust him around Shane, but the age gap means they're going through different stages. We don't see Rah anymore at the bus stop since he's going to a different school. We've seen him less and less outside with the lower light levels and Rah coming out less, but he's still probably the friend we see the most of. (The day I'm writing this Shane and Rah are outside goofing off while I listen through a few open windows to keep track of them! It really helps I can trust them to not get into too much trouble or stray far!).

Charlie was our other neighborhood friend. She was younger than Shane, but I enjoyed talking to her parents, Matt and Lindzi, a lot. They moved after a year, though. They live in Texas now and have three kids of their own.

We started to get closer with Dylan and Eli for a long while, but that ended abruptly. I want to get the boys together at some point, so that the relationship doesn't stay ended the way it did. Carrie is still iffy on that. There's been tension in their house and a change in living situations that complicate things. That's not my business, so I won't air it other than to say it's affected things. We never made it to sleepovers or the like.

There have been multiple other families I would like to get to know better, but everyone seems to stay in the "nice people but busy" category rather than "close friends" one.

I tried to reach out to Iggy back when they were on the same tee-ball team. Their family stays super busy with both parents teaching in college. Iggy's dad teaches at a Catholic university in DC and is gone all week. His mom teaches at UVA. Iggy started the year in Shane's 2nd grade class, but they pulled Iggy out of J-Via. In an email they said, "J-Via wasn't the best fit for Iggy."

Sam is the friend we've seen the most of. He's come over for a couple of hours at a time, met at a park, or Shane's stayed at his house to play. Sometimes we go two or three weeks in between seeing him outside of school, though. Both his parents work, there are lots of grandparents in the picture due to divorces, and over summer they do a lot of traveling (Sam's dad is from the UK with family over the pond).

I traded contact information with Tae Tae's mom (from the neighborhood, but  moved) and Brett's grandpa, as well (from Pokemon Night, but we haven't been).

Honestly, this makes me stop and think about how blessed I was. I enjoy being around all of my family and I have friends who grew close enough I consider them family. That may be a rarer experience than I realized. I met Jesse Havard and Nate Newell when I moved to Beaumont for 2nd grade.

I'm definitely wired for community-building and I hope to help Shane find and grow with a healthy group of friends. I encourage Carrie to hang out with horse-friends and check in with people I haven't heard her mention in a while, too! Many of my students don't have what I consider a positive family and/or friend network which keeps the topic on my mind.

Onward and Upward - Spring Break Day 2

Day 2 of Spring Break started off with banana pancakes. Shane and I would need the energy for the adventure ahead!

Stocked with library books and CDs, we said good-bye to Mommy and headed north to Northern Virginia.

I planned a couple stops to break up the two-hour journey. Our first stop was at Yoder's: A Mennonite Grocery store with all-natural butterscotch peanut butter, the cleanest bathrooms around, and a petting zoo.

An odd combination, I know, but it works. Don't knock it until you try it. I bought a few natural nut-butters for gifts and got change for feed.

Unfortunately, it was 30-some-odd degrees outside. The wind stripped more body heat as it whipped by. Shane was fascinated by the goat skywalk, but the goats were more concerned with sleeping and laying low.

There weren't any other kids on the playground, either. We didn't stay for long. I had Shane take a picture or two to extend the break with mixed results.

Our next stop was a detour through Culpepper. We've driven by many, many times, but never detoured through main street. Today, we fixed that. We stopped at a thrift store to spend the leftover feed change. There was a panaderia down the way where we grabbed a road snack, too.

An hour later, we arrived at our first stop: Daniel's house! The boys recognized each other straight away. Jessica said Daniel had been asking about Shane lately. Shane asked about Daniel himself when he heard we were going north.

Meanwhile, I recognized moving boxes. Daniel's family is going to move to Austin, Texas!

We don't live in NOVA anymore, but that's still a bummer. I mean, look at these kids.

We'd been away too long, but the boys went back to playing like no time had passed. Jessica and I talked while they played in the living room or ran outside.

I went out back to check on them once and got a quick video.

Later, I looked out a window and saw them going wild on the hammock.

Wait, has it really been almost a year? I thought we'd visited in August or September. Geez. Daniel's grown into the biggest four year old, I've ever seen.

And Eleanor, Daniel's little sister, has gotten mobile!

I enjoyed catching up with Jessica while she packed and everyone played. Mike was in Austin, so I missed out on seeing him. I found out that Leo, our old Muay Thai coach, moved into the neighborhood and led a small group through our church! Small world! It made me nostalgic.

I snapped a quick picture of our old house to show Carrie. Ben, the new owner, used to work construction and made several additions Carrie would have approved of.

After getting used to Charlottesville, all the roads and houses in Northern Virginia seemed more spaced out than necessary. Bigger, but colder. All the yards looked perfect and empty, because everyone has to work to afford the place (their spring break was last week). Maybe that's how Carrie saw it from the start. I adapt quickly to wherever I am, so I never really noticed.

But, I digress. Our next stop was to surprise Jama. I told Jessica I was coming to make sure we could catch them. Jama had no clue.

She was happy to see us, though!

Shane was pumped. He loves family AND Jama gave him candy. He jumped and rolled all over. I'm sure Jama's neighbor below started to write a formal complaint about the noise (mwa ha ha!).

After a while, we let Shane turn on the TV so we could talk. Jama told me about her dinner reservation with a Harvard PhD.

Meanwhile, Shane transformed into a drooling zombie.

We left when Jama went down for dinner. Our next stop was at John's library. "Daddy, I don't want any more books! We have a lot!"

"We're not here for the books," I replied.

"Then why?!?"

"Think about libraries and who we may know in Northern Virginia that works at libraries."

".....JOHN!"

Side note: It's not a trip to a library if I don't randomly find some odd book. Maybe I'll check it out six years from now...

At that moment, Shane was only interested in tornadoes.

John got off at 6:00 PM, and we rendezvoused at Matt and Renee's. Any doubts about whether or not Shane remembered their laundry chute were put to rest immediately. The stink charged up while the adults greeted each other. He would have gotten John's shoes if John hadn't stopped him (Of course, John then volunteered mine).

We ordered "It's-cheaper-and-tastier-than-a-cheap-hotel-room" Chinese to thank Matt and Renee for putting us up for the night and sat around.

Shane played with some Highlights magazines Daniel's mom gave us.

Unless someone laughed.

Then Shane wanted in on it.

I brought a whole stack of board games with us. I had hoped we could all play one, but everyone else was too brain-dead from work. After I put Shane to bed, Matt and Renee tried to sell John and I on The Office instead.

In the end, John left and I went to bed earlier than usual. Shane and I had to share a bed, so I had a hunch I wouldn't get to sleep in...

A Final Visit to a Friend

I took Shane to visit Daniel Thursday night. We've missed Daniel's family! Nana and Pop got to pack in peace.

It was a beautiful day. The boys discovered how much fun a hammock is with a friend.

We moved the hammock out to the middle of the yard in the shade after the initial discovery. The boys spent the next half an hour clamoring up and flipping over. The boys were at cross-purposes. Shane wanted to climb up. Daniel wanted to flip. Both boys learned quickly to hang on! Each had a harder than expected fall at different times. Daniel first, then Shane. Daniel charged back in; Shane decided he was done.

We moved to the front yard next. The boys played separately until Shane dragged out a stick three times his size. That lead to an arms race.

Jessica and I tried to coach them. "Hit them high!" "Keep the sticks up high!" "Only hit the other sticks!" The boys played sticks until the inevitable injury. The sticks got tangled. Daniel saw something and turned around. A branch scraped my Shane's nose. "That's the price of playing with sticks!" He didn't want to play with sticks anymore. Jessica and I were relieved. We'd seen enough close calls and prevented a few accidents already.

Baby Eleanor sat on the sidelines. She enjoyed the little boy show.

They enjoyed her, as well.

We went in for dinner and air-conditioned play. The boys ate and played really well together. I enjoyed listening to them go at it. Normally, I try to stay out of the room. I want the boys to play and work out their differences between themselves. I feel that if I'm in the room they try to appeal to a higher authority instead of learning how to get along. Little kids need other little kids. I'd love to be in there and play with them, but it's not the same learning experience.

We left right before Daniel's bedtime at 7:30 PM. I took a picture and did a slow drive-bye of our old house.

I saw the new owner out front, but I didn't say anything. I wasn't sure what to say. Jessica said they already cut an opening into the kitchen from the living room by the pantry. Sounded brilliant. The father must be pretty handy. He complimented Carrie's work and what we'd done, too.

Thursday night felt like a final wrapping up of a chapter passed.

Time with Friends

Shane got to spend Thursday and Friday at Daniel's house. We had the boys say "Goodbye," on Friday, but I doubt either one really understood. We may still visit from time to time, but it will be a lot harder once we head south. A four hour round trip is a lot of effort for a quick play date! Daniel's family stays pretty busy, too. Mike flies all over the country (and sometimes the world). 

It would be great if we can keep in touch over the distance. Never say never, so I'll try to do what I can on our end. It's not likely, though. 

I would never have said that when I was a kid. However, I've discovered life drastically changes once you move out and start working full time. Then, when you get married it changes even further. Pop out a kid and all bets are off! It takes time and effort to keep up with people - both of which are in limited supply. There's only so much time in a day and lots to fill it with. But one can hope.

Saturday and Sunday, Shane got to spend time with Nana, Pop, and Bryce. Bryce is Bruce and Reina's son. They are long time family friends from church (Bruce taught Matt in Sunday School and went on a mission trip to Russia with the twins and I). Shane and Bryce know each other from play dates at Nana's, Thanksgiving, and some other holidays. This past weekend, Nana took them to the mall twice and let them bounce in the inflatable play area (Reina's idea). 

They boys are going to see a lot more of each other over the next month at daycare! Shane is going to go to the same home Bryce does while I live at Nana and Pop's until May. Then we'll have to have another round of "goodbyes." To Shane, a month is an unfathomable amount of time, though. He'll enjoy it.

Honestly, I think the move was pretty painless for Shane. He played his heart out from Thursday on while Carrie and I slaved away!

Sunday Friends

"How'd the boys do today?" I asked the Sunday School teacher. 

He looked tired. "Shane and Daniel are like baking soda and vinegar!" He still smiled. "They feed off each other and keep going." 

They certainly do! The teacher said he had to separate the boys for music time. "Shane, you go here. Daniel, you go over there. Colton(?), you sit back there." Now, I want to know who the third boy is! Ha ha!  

Daniel and Shane sprinted away together after we picked them up. They passed their Sunday School teacher again on the way. "Just like that! All full of energy."

We're going to miss Daniel's family when we move.

We went over to their house after church for breakfast. Mike cooked chocolate chip pancakes, applegate bacon, and eggs. The boys played. Baby Eleanor watched some before her nap.

It was a good play session. Carrie and I got to sit with Mike and Jessica and talk with minimum tattling and squabbles. They only knocked the big chair over once (they are hyper).

Carrie mentioned that we could visit from time to time. Jessica mentioned they had a guest room if I was ever on the streets up their way, too. I don't know if we'll stay in touch after all the distance, but I'm thrilled we got to be neighbors. I hope that the new family moving in plugs in and their kids become friends with Daniel's family, too!

Social Week

Shane and I were social this week. It’s fun, it protects the house, and keeps relationships alive.  I have the spare energy and time to do it now that wrestling is over.

Tuesday, we visited Nana and Pop. It was Taco Tuesday!

Shane enjoyed roughhousing with Pop.

We both spent the night. Shane was ready from the get go; Nana talked me into it. “Do you have anything to go home to?”

The next morning, I went to work and Shane went to Jama's to throw trash down the garbage chute (he loves that thing!).

Wednesday, we visited Kim and Ryan.

Ryan’s in a somewhat similar job situation to me: He’s not sure of where he’s going to end up next year. He will still be in the same county and he has a job, but what he really wants is to be involved full time with a high school band. Right now, he spends four days a week teaching music at a pair of elementary schools, one day teaching at a high school, and then he volunteers all over the place to make himself known.

Thursday was our Daniel Day.

Daniel came over and “helped” with our driveway.

I shoveled, Shane complained he wanted my shovel, and the boys knocked icicles off our neighbors’ bushes and frolicked in the back of Lisa’s truck. They had fun for an hour! They started to squabble after that. I think they were both tired and hungry, so I called it quits. Shane pounded down 10 chicken nuggets for lunch (with ketchup, of course – he gets that from Carrie).

After nap, I dropped Shane off at day-care to be social for a couple of hours. That gave me a chance to write up a few entries (ayub!) and set up another Daniel visit. We went over to play some more at 5:30 PM.

The boys played really well together. Shane was a little bit of a Fussy McFussyboy at first. Daniel cried and pouted when it was time to go. They take turns.

Jessica mentioned how much they'd miss us. We're playing more now than we did for a stretch. I think both families want to make sure the boys get play time in while we can.

Snow Play!

Shane was thrilled to see Daniel yesterday. The boys "helped" me with the driveway.

Shane was upset that Daniel "helped" mess up the snow on his shovel.

Later, they said "Hi" to the mailman.

Friends make work fun!

Prepping to Move: Daniel

We are going to miss Daniel and his family very much when we move.  Shane and I went over there to play tonight.

We'll have to maximize play time until the farewell. 

They played so well tonight they basically took care of themselves.

I met Bill and Dan when I was three. We're still friends three decades later. I hoped Daniel may be that sort of friend for Shane. It's probably not to be at this point. Over two and a half years in this house seem to have gone by fast.

Daniel Visited Again

Last week, school did not close when it should have. This week, it closed when it should not have. 

It did make for a good opportunity for Daniel to visit. I texted Jessica and she wanted him out of the house! The boys immediately charged upstairs. They bounced, wrestled, and hid under the covers together.

Shane showed Daniel our new window next. Don't tell Carrie. She made the bed that morning.

When I got tired, I asked the boys if they wanted to watch an episode of Paw Patrol.

This didn't happen without some squabbling, mind you. At one point, Shane got up. Daniel immediately took his spot. Shane said, "HEY!" Daniel smiled and sat up. Shane made a move for the vacant spot and WHOMP! Daniel plopped back down on it. He chortled with glee. "HEY! That's my spot!" Shane cried. "Daddy! He's in my spot!"

"So?" I replied (I suppose I was less than sympathetic).

"It's my spot!"

"And?"

We went back and forth for a few exchanges. Shane was indignant.

"Daddy! Daniel is making me sad!"

"So sit on him."

"I can't do that!"

"Why not?"

Daniel laughed in the background the whole time.

And then Shane sat on him. 

I think Daniel was a little miffed that his game was over at first. He squawked for a few seconds and then the bright flashing lights and songs on the TV washed away all conscious thought. 

Shane is oversensitive. If things don't go his way he fusses. Daniel thinks it's funny when Shane gets worked up over something silly. I can't throw any stones, because I spent my own fair share of time as the antagonizer growing up (ask Igor). And actually, it is pretty funny! My goal is for Shane to develop a "What can I do about this?" attitude instead of a "What can you do about this while I whine?" sort of attitude. Problem solve and have fun. Life will have plenty of problems.

And a short video of the boys at play caps this off.

This only happened almost a week ago (Wednesday). Time flies when you're busy!

*note: Backdated to Friday, because I think it was post-less. 

6-Seconds of Awesome

I'd make this into a vine if I didn't have to make an account. Love it.

Snow Day!

Tuesday was the first snowfall of the year! School WASN'T cancelled! I kept thinking it should have been as I drove 20 mph under the highway limit in the right lane while the fire trucks drove past me going 18 mph under in the left lane. It wasn't a ton of snow, but conditions were just right for it to stick, ice, and cause havoc. Most drivers in our area have no clue what to do with snow. They drive like snails or like bats out of Hell. It came down all morning so visibility wasn't great either. 

Apparently, our students were so outraged they didn't get a snow day they took to twitter. Their protests trended worldwide (and some were pretty creative and funny). Of course, this new found fame fed their righteous indignation. 

"Do you think some kid in Asia really cares you had to go to school today?" I replied. 

I guess I wasn't totally supportive. It's funny how teenagers think the world revolves around them (not that I was much different). I pointed out that the bus drivers were the ones who really deserved our condolences.

The county cancelled all meetings and sports practices, so I got to go home on time for a change!

Carrie helped Shane build a snowman.

Carrie quickly discovered it was a lot more work than she remembered. The last time, she'd be a young'in. and her Dad had helped. "Wow! My Dad must have really loved me!"

Shane lost interest in the snowman concept before Frosty was finished. He dubbed Mommy's snowball Jupiter.

I tried to finish the snowman later, but Shane knocked it over. He wanted a snowlar system!

Thankfully, Daniel was ready to play about that time. Mike was out of town, so I watched the boys outside while Jessica stayed in with the baby.

The boys made tracks, snow angels, and hurled snowballs into the street.

We saw a snow-blower and ventured to the end of the circle. We tried to climb random trees when we got there.

Shane spent Wednesday with Nana and Pop and I hear he got to bounce on a snow trampoline.

Thursday was 6 degrees with a wind chill of -4 when I checked, so we stayed inside. Shane really wanted to go out again, but I didn't! His snow pants were AWOL at Nana's anyway.

Shane loved his first dose of winter this year. There's nothing like a little snow when you're a kid.