Fasting Into an Argument? Who does that?

There's a recurring theme in Matthew 6 that leads into this post. See if you can spot it from these snippets.

"2 So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
(Matthew 6:2-4)

"5 And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
(Matthew 6:5-7)

"16 When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 17 But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, 18 so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."
(Matthew 6:16-18)

So I have been fasting from coffee.

Normally, I wouldn't mention it for reasons you may have read above. It's not a grand gesture or severe task. It is my preferred way to start the morning and I have substituted tea instead to avoid caffeine withdrawal. I only have coffee on Sunday to celebrate the sabbath and practice gratitude.

The purpose of the fast is to remind and focus me on praying for healing of a strained relationship. Fasting does not add a special power to a prayer formula to make God act like a genie in a lamp. The Bible does talk about it being beneficial and the above quotes were Jesus speaking.

The relationship in question involves Carrie and a friend she considers dear who became upset and stopped communicating. Carrie has tried to reach out to no avail and the situation hurts her heart. 

I meant to pray daily for it, but didn't always remember.

Which led to the fast. I felt bad I kept forgetting, and how could I say something was important to me if I wasn't willing to pay anything for it? 

King David and was offered something for free. Instead of taking it, he insisted on paying the full price. 

"24 But King David said to Ornan, 'No, but I will buy them for the full price. I will not take for the Lord what is yours, nor offer burnt offerings that cost me nothing.' (1 Chronicles 21:24)” 

To assign something value means it has a cost. Whether or not you're willing to pay the cost speaks to how you value it.

And I didn't tell Carrie. She noticed me drinking tea, but she didn't think there was anything behind it.

Until the day she wanted me to try her coffee.

It was a good morning. Carrie had mixed her coffee just right and wanted me to taste it.

Which left me with a choice: Say no or break the fast.

I declined and she insisted.

I continued to decline and she wanted a reason. A reason that I didn't want to give.

And no matter how calm and how eloquent I phrased it, Carrie took it very differently! I felt it was a good demonstration of why she needed the prayer, but how do you say that to someone who's already upset!?

Carrie didn't want to speak to me afterward. 

I've mentioned this before, but Carrie and I deal with anger differently. She normally flares quickly and wants to step away. I'm a slower burn and my instinct is to talk right away before I ruminate too long on it. I've learned it's better not to push right away and to give her a moment....especially when I'm not sure what to say!

Eventually, we did talk. I'd prayed about it and when I felt it was clear Carrie wouldn't be able to heal until I told her why I wouldn't sip her drink. "I didn't want to drink the coffee, because I have been fasting from it as I pray for you. It's a sign of how serious I am about it. I didn't want to tell you either, because Matthew 6 says....."

So I revealed the fast, but it started to heal the riff between Carrie and I before it could become a chasm. We talked more as the day went on and she felt better. I thanked God for that, but still wondered if I was meant to tell her about the fast or not.

Later though, a thought hit me: What if God had known all along I'd reveal the fast and planned to use it? Sometimes I think of God as a 'master strategist.' Was this one of those moments?

It sure felt like it. It had started a conversation and hopefully demonstrated to Carrie how I felt for her. The relationship hasn't been healed yet, but I've had relationships that took years to heal (and not for a lack of me trying!).

And what if this whole incident was also a blog post? The secret was out! Was this something I was supposed to write about?

I sure hope so, because you just read it.

Worldly Leader vs Biblical Leader

I never asked for a garden. It did make me think on some Biblical principals while I was weeding it.

First, weeds spring up. Anywhere. Anytime. It doesn't matter how nice it looked before and what precautions were in place. They creep.

Second, if you do do something about the weeds that spring up they will grow....and grow.....and grow.

In the Parable of the Sower, "Other seeds fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants." (Matthew 13:7). While the seeds that fell on good soil "...produced a crop - a hundred, sixty, or thirty times what was sown." (13:8). 

Can thorny patches be weeded? Can they become better soil, so the seeds will grow? 

"The seed falling among thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful." (Matthew 13:22). 

Worries certainly feel like weeds. Whenever one is taking care of, something else likes to pop up and take it's place. 

My weeding was part necessity and part inspired by Carrie worrying about getting the house in order before her parents visited. Hopefully, the inspiration was more from a desire to show love than a fear of human judgement! (Proverbs 29:25, 2 Timothy 1:7). 

And even if all the weeds are gone, nature abhors a void. "When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go and live there." (Matthew 12:43-45). 

In the gardens case, there's what was planted. But in a heart's case? 

These are some of the things I pondered while sweating away. Quiet, menial work can be good for the soul.

The other theme that filled my thoughts as I worked was being a leader. I want to be a good leader of my family.

From a worldy sense, running around all day doing all the dirty work weeding and shoveling poop is far from glorious. The world views leaders as people who make important decisions and tell other people what to do. Worldly leaders gain power, earn accolades, and demand respect. 

Jesus gives a very different example. He has power, is at peace, and washes his disciples' feet. "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you should also wash one another's feet. I have set for you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them." (John 13:12-15).

I feel like a large part of my job as a leader of my household is to serve the members in it. To prepare the soil around them, so that their seed can grow into what it was meant to become. If that means using my work break to weed the front for Carrie, or to give up my chance at time on the computer when Shane's earned a reward then that's what it means.

It does feel good to accomplish something. In many ways the work puts my heart in a better place. "And he who waters will himself be watered." (Proverbs 11:25). 

I thought about writing this blog the day I was weeding. Sadly, I didn't. Instead, it became something of a block. I wanted to write it before I moved on and since I didn't write it the blog never moved on!

Sometimes I find it intimidating to write out my thoughts with Biblical references. My feelings? No problem. But the Bible is Truth and I don't want to treat it lightly. 

Which is not a reason to avoid doing it. If anything, I should do it more often. 

I could go back, revise, make more connections, quote more verses, and revise again in an endless cycle until the process became another block. However, we're asked to step out on faith and trust that one greater than us has a plan in place.

Which in some regards, is a fancy way of saying, "click Publish, Mike."

Martha or Mary?

Life stays busy around here.

After work on Monday, I had an hour before I needed to pick up Shane.

I:

• Made tea.
• Called my allergist about my serum.
• Checked the bank accounts
• Made a new online account for our mortgage (it was sold to a different company)
• Checked with Carrie to get the confirmation # (they had her phone, not mine)
• Replied to Emily about moving out
• Picked up
• Emptied the dishwasher
• Collected Shane's library books
• and cleaned up cat throw up (took 2 seconds on hardwood, but it makes the list look longer!)

I don't say this to brag, but to bring up a point: Sometimes I wonder if I've become too much of a Martha.

The New Testament tells the story of Martha and Mary. Jesus came to visit. Mary sat with him, and Martha ran around to take care of everything and everyone. When Mary didn't help her, Martha asked Jesus to tell her to help.

So far, it makes perfect sense to me. Why shouldn't Mary help? Extra hands means done quicker. It's more fun to work with someone else, too. Once they're done, Martha and Mary would both get to listen to Jesus.

Jesus goes a different route.

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41-42 (NIV)

Jesus didn't need or care that everything was arranged perfectly. He was more concerned with people, and Martha should have been more concerned with him than the list of things 'needed' to be done. We cannot be saved by works no matter how hard we try and whatever we accomplish - Only by grace (Ephesians 2:8).

The takeaway - Focus on what's really important. Don't get distracted by a million other things.

Yet it seems like there are always a million other things to do (see my list).

I like to work. I like to get things done. I want to be reliable. Especially for my family. Acts of service is a primary love language for me and I view it as a father/husband's job to lead by serving. It gives me the energy I need to do what I do.

Work is a good thing (it's Biblical!). I sleep well at night (Eccl 5:12!), but I want to make sure I don't lose sight of what's really important.

Just something I think about. I probably thought about it more this week, because I was too busy to write for a while. There's more to do than can ever be done (Lion King).

Then I write this and wonder if I put enough thought into it! Oh, Irony!. You're proof God has a sense of humor.