Summer Goals & Midyear Reflection

This year had a wrench thrown in it with the pandemic, but my goals are still my goals for the year. It's time to look at them to see what I need to do before the end of the year!

These were my goals for 2020. I'm doing pretty well!

I need to work on sitting in a saddle and finding a volunteer opportunity (other than the barn). Carrie's not going to be getting surgery anytime soon, because of the pandemic.

Speaking of the pandemic, I added a pair of 'bonus' goals to the list: Stay healthy and stay sane.

So far, so good!

My summer goals were simpler.

I read, I wrote a lot of blog posts in spurts after falling behind, and I've shot a lot of arrows in between keeping my family sane and healthy. I did some planning for a story, but nothing of said story has been written.

Shane typed and practiced Japanese all summer. I don't know how much he really knows of either, but I think some groundwork was done. Will he continue? Maybe. Socially, he's gotten along great with the cousins!

For Carrie, it was her summer of horses. She hasn't traveled as much to walk & talks, but there have been so many other things going on I can't list them all here. The kittens were a bonus.

Reflection: Pulled Over

It was my junior year of high school(1998). A friend from school, TJ, threw a Halloween costume party.

I had a car, so I drove. A 1985 Honda accord with over 200k miles on it isn't a high class vehicle, but it drives much faster than no car at all. 

Matze was my wingman for the night. He was a German exchange student and lived with my family for the year and a party animal. I probably picked up Larry on the way, too.

The party was tame for him! There was nothing illegal about it. TJ's parents were home. There was food, music, costumes, and conversations. 

The most risque thing that happened was near the end. Two girls put on an excessive amount of lipstick and gave paired kisses to decorate cheeks (Matze and I both got tagged!).

I felt pretty cool by the end of the night! 

It wasn't super late when the party ended (Parent supervised!), but I ended up with 5 or 6 people packed into my car. Matze didn't call shotgun quick enough, but he got to sit with at least one girl in the back so he didn't complain!

 I had just dropped off the last lady when it happened. Matze was lazy, so he stayed in the backseat.

I pulled out of the neighborhood onto Old Keene Mill Road. The music was up. Smiles were wide. We were tried, but we were that cool.

Then some crazy person pulled up behind us.

I was 16. I started driving in June and it was October. My experience with crazy drivers was still developing. I was going 44 mph in a 40 mph zone and all I could see in my rear view mirror was a pair of hi-beams. They lit up the whole car. 

Matze looked out the back window and couldn't see who it was. It had to be an SUV or something large. The lights crept closer until they were right off my bumper.

It made me nervous, but my turn was coming up. I had to make a right onto Lee Chapel. I sped up a little bit, because I wanted to go away. Pop had taught me it was ok to go 5 over (even preferable in NOVA if you didn't want people swerving around you), but I pushed it all the way up from 44 to 48 mph.

That's when the blue lights hit.

The crazy car was a cop.

I didn't stop at first, because I was too shocked. I remember feeling tricked. Trapped. Betrayed. I wouldn't have been speeding if I didn't think a crazy car was trying to run me off the road!

I did pull over. It's funny how your brain and body can act without really thinking about it. It doesn't always feel real. Pop had talked to me about what to do if I was ever pulled over, so I did it.

I was scared and confused, but hoped it was all a misunderstanding. After all, it wasn't fair! I hadn't been doing anything wrong!

I don't remember everything. I do remember the basics. I turned the car off to show I wasn't going to do something stupid. I said lots of "sirs" and had my wallet out of my pocket so I wouldn't have to reach into my clothes.

There were two policemen. They told Matze and I to get out of the car and they split us up. The cop who was talking to me pulled out a big binder that had Beavis and Butthead on the cover, but I was too numb to laugh or try to say something clever.

They were lots of questions. Where were we going? Is there anything in the car? Who was my friend? What's in the trunk? Why was he in the backseat?

I don't remember if he made me pop the trunk or not, but one question stuck with me: Why did he care Matze was in the back seat?

Then one comment seemed really important.

The cop said I looked like a chauffeur.

Not that I understood it. I was dazed, confused, and wondering "What is my dad going to do if the police call..." I did everything in my power to act calm and respectful even with my inner brain in a lurch.

I told him I sped up only, because I thought he was trying to run me off the road. I don't remember him seeming to care much.

At some point, I heard Matze yell, "WHAT!?"

The questioning stopped eventually and I walked back to stand by my car. Matze hurried over a little later and said, "Mike, they asked if I'm a PIMP!"

Suddenly, the chauffeur comment made more sense.

The bright beams and the tailgating had been to bait us. They were probably going to pull us over regardless, but anything else I did would give them ammo in the conversation.

I was lucky. I got off with a warning.

I drove home at exactly the speed limit and looking in my rear view mirror. I'm pretty sure Matze made sure to sit up front, but I wouldn't put it past him to have sat in the back to show his disdain.

Something clicked in my brain and I started to laugh. I got a look from Matze, but I explained.

Looking in the rear view mirror I realized something. I still had two big smooch marks on my cheeks from the party!

To this day, I don't know if they really thought we were a pimp and chauffeur up to trouble or they were just having their own Halloween fun at our expense. It was my first experience on the wrong side of the police.

I do think I was targeted for being young. It wasn't the last time it would happen, but 'young' is something that you grow out of. It didn't feel fair to the teenage me, but 'young' is something I do take notice of when I'm dealing with people. 'Young' and 'dumb' aren't a promise, but I know I wore both those monikers at times! 

Other people have been targeted unfairly for things you can't grow out of like race and gender. 

I had been taught that things would work out okay if I was honest, respectful, and prayed. And it did turn out okay for me. I was scared, but I still had some hope throughout. "Maybe they'll realize they were really wrong and not want to call or do anything else!"

I was lucky. Or you can say I was blessed. Or I was privileged that there was nothing else about me to target except that I was young.

My students at the alternative schools always liked the story of the teacher being accused of being a pimp's chauffeur!

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Connection:

I'm always amazed at how God can take one event and weave that one thread so that it intertwines with others.

My 'Pimp's chauffeur' story has served as a great answer on multiple occasions to "Have you ever been pulled over for doing nothing wrong?" Or "Has a cop ever stopped you?"

I don't believe anyone can ever understand exactly what it's like to stand in someone's else's shoes, but it's helped me relate and get a laugh. 

What happened shaped how I thought in future encounters and how I tried to avoid any sort of reaction or escalation that would leave me vulnerable.

I can remember the shock, the Beavis and Butthead binder, feeling angry about being baited, and eventually feeling relieved and able to laugh about it.

And that incident started a thread that led to this post, but there was another thread that started it: My dad got a ticket.

I thought of my dad as "Mr. Perfect" growing up. He always did the right thing, knew something about everything, and never got in trouble. He liked school, got good grades, liked to work, and generally was what I was not.

Yet even he got a ticket. 

I want to say it happened before my incident and was what initiated the "How to talk to Police" talk. That could be a trick of memory, though. Pop's always been super organized so he may have had "How to talk to Police" on a checklist of "What to teach Mike about driving" somewhere.

If you've lived in Northern Virginia, you know traffic can be terrible. Pop drove a red Geo Prism. It was a stick shift. He needed to make a right turn onto Roberts Road, but people were backed up from the light.

In my memory, he was "one car length away" from where the turn lane started.

Pop didn't think he'd get in trouble for using the shoulder for 10 ft. There was no bike lane.

An officer was there and he got a ticket.

I don't remember Pop's rules, but my takeaway was something like this:

1 - Be respectful. 

2 - Cops have a book full of rules. 

3 - If you give them any reason to, they can look through that book of rules until they find something.

4 - They can always find something.

5 - And even if they don't they can keep you there for a long time.

6 - Don't do anything sudden.

and 7 - You'll be in trouble if you do something stupid.

I also took away a bonus thought: "If it can happen to Mr. Perfect it can happen to me."

If Pop was pulled over before I was, maybe it was God saying "You can handle this now and it will help ____ here, ____ here, and Mike here down the line." 

I'm not writing the 'big' story, so I couldn't tell you. I only write bits of my little story and hopefully don't mess up too much of it.

New Year, New Goals

I doubled up on yesterday's post to leave a spot for my yearly goals post.

Reflection -

1. Prepare and sell house - Done!
2. Build, Move, Adjust - A LOT has happened.
3. Carrie with horses - Companion horse? We've got spares now. We've got one boarder. Hope for more!
4. Figure out job - New job in progress. Almost halfway through the year.
5. Community - Life has become more and more busy. Tried a small group, but it broke up. Working to stay connected with people. We are attending a local church. Shane normally asks to go there.
6. Career - I don't have time for a PhD. I don't have time for a side job. Work, barn, and parenting take all my time.
7. Have fun - Got some of that in!
8. Shane - Well, he is reading more!

Goals -

1. Hook in at MHS - Don't just survive; Thrive. Make a difference. Make friends. Make the most of it.
2. Start to ride again - I'm around horses all the time. Need to keep learning to be useful.
3. Carrie's surgery - She's going to need knee surgery at some point again. We're thinking this summer. She'll need time to recover and I'll be in charge.
4. Carrie's health in general - Any and all of it. I do what I can to help relieve stress and pressure.
5. Establish a boarding barn - Already in progress...but we need more boarders! It would be nice to turn it into at least somewhat of a revenue stream. It would be fun to have some sort of social events here, too, like a potluck (or something where I get food!).
5. Have a sleepover with a Shane friend at some point - It'd be fun and a sign we're closer with a family.
6. Volunteer more....somewhere.
7. Keep building connections:
   Me: I'd love to get a board game group going. Somehow. Somewhere. I'd like to get involved in another small group or the same one if they form back up again. I've been so busy lately I haven't kept up conversations with some of my old friends as much as I wish I had. I want to stay connected with people. Shane's cousins on Carrie's side are back in Virginia, so I'd like to add them to the family we visit.
   Carrie: Keeps meeting more horse people and I hope we'll have more boarders to keep track of. When she's feeling better, she can go on fox hunts (which she's wanted to do anyway! Hopefully, we'll have a "Guild Meeting" one day and Chris, Gen, and maybe even Emily or Bill will make it to the farm.
   Shane: I plan on signing Shane up for the local soccer league instead of SOCA this spring. I want to join the pool this summer and do swim lessons there instead of ACAC, as well. Henry has been our most regular friend, but I'd love to have a more steady stream of social appointments for Shane's sake and my sanity.

I may think of more later. My goals are a starting point.

Midyear Goal Reflection

Summer goals: Move.

Year goals: A bunch of stuff....including "Move."

It's safe to say we've moved. We are living in the new house. I've been back at work. Shane's here. The cat's are here. Tomorrow is the first day of school for kids.

The barn is not done. The fence is not done, and the horses are not here yet.

There have been tons of errands here and there. The truck needed a new liner. The trailer needed an inspection. More furniture needs to be put together. The busted truck needs to be cleaned up, marketed, and sold...

There's still stuff to do, but we're here and living life! It will take time for our roots to really sink in.

I want to start going to a local small group. I want Shane to find a buddy or two at school we can invite over. I want to connect with people at my work.

All things that will take time.

I am excited for the first day of school.

Goals Draft

I started this as a shorthand draft and decided to keep it that way (with some editing for complete sentences, etc).

Reflection
In general - This was a year of "Keep up the good work." We did the same thing we've done in previous years to good effect. I'm halfway through my 4th year at a job that matters even if I'm burned out. We know more people, Shane's made memories, and we've been living life.

1. Job - renewed the license. Stayed in my current positions another year despite burnout. Never looked into PhD more or PVCC.

2. Community - Did trivia nights, online gurps, joined a small group, shane is still in sports which I helped coach, coaching keeps connections, etc.

3. Did not do summer camp....but we are doing one this year! Build that independence!

4. Nibs is stabilized...for now. Horse health has been all over. Carrie made the difficult decision to move on from Armour, but it was necessary.

5. Bible and Spanish - I'm reading my verses. Shane knows some proverbs, but I have not been nearly as structured as I intended with Shane and this goal. We didn't do anything with Spanish, either. We need a Spanish speaking friend. I tried a little bit to nurture one connection, but it never materialized.

6. Wrestling - Middle school program has plateaued. I have more recognition from the school admin, but the numbers are lower. The kids who stick with me look good, though! They enjoy it and I enjoy coaching them. Elementary school is a bust. I tried it a second year and it fell apart. I was promised buses and they never showed up (which is a common problem for the schools this year - They just emailed out they're changing bus routes due to a shortage of drivers). I don't think I'll run the ES program again. The HS team is doing better. The roster is fuller and we can actually win against average teams. A couple kids look to be shaping up into future captains and real competitors.

7. Travel - We got around! We've done a lot of things.

New goals
In general - We've somehow maintained an average of moving every three to four years. This time, we hope it's the final move for a long time. Carrie's getting her dream barn and she's getting it close enough to civilization I'm not worried about it. However, that means there's moving on the horizon. That's a lot of work. The first 9 months of this year will involve fixing up our house, moving our stuff, building a house, moving in, and adjusting to a new area and a new school for Shane. We closed on the land on the 28th. I'm still thinking of changing jobs, but now I'm wondering if I should hold off. There's going to be a lot of change already and depending on where I go, I might have to give up my current coaching gig. It's only $500 a year to coach, but it's meaningful beyond the money.

1. Prepare and Sell House - 'Nuff said.

2. Build, Move, and Adjust - Currently, Carrie's doing most of the work, but my role will grow.

3. CARRIE: Companion horse, moves horses, start riding, and find some boarders. I'm not really involved in this other than in a support role! I'll be forced to learn more barn chores after we set  up our barn, though. During my fun road trip, Carrie had some horse drama where she moved Nibs to Sonya's barn. Nibs is loving life down there and Carrie enjoys visiting her.

4. Figure out Job! - This seems to happen frequently. Do I shift to the County to be on the same schedule about Shane? But what about wrestling? Do I try to teach Elementary School even though the thought scares me? I'd like to get out of Special Ed. I'll have done 13 years as a SPED teacher and would love to say goodbye to all the paperwork.

5. Community - I want to keep building community wherever we go. A new area means we'll need new connections. Should we try the Scottsville UMC? Maybe try a Scottsville small group through the Point? And we can't forget old friends!

6. Career - PhD? Admin? Apply to PVCC as an adjunct? I keep bringing this up. I don't think it's a bad idea to keep trying to grow, but I haven't jumped on anything yet. When sliding down the banister of life, don't get a splinter in your career. -Hank the cowdog.

7. Have Fun! - Life is about more than work and goals. Fun helps counter burnout, too! I've enjoyed trivia night and I'd like to get GURPs or another game group going. There is a brewery in Scottsville near our home site that has trivia and game nights every so often. Being a regular somewhere at something is a great way to make connections.

Shane goals - To be more aware, emphatic and a listener? He loves to talk, but he's not the best at listening. It bothers me when he tries to spin stories like he knows things when it's clear he's talking out of his butt ("Oh really? So, who sat you down and told you about how raids work in World of Warcraft in your 2nd grade class that you want to explain it all to your mother?") Questions and curiosity are welcome. I'd like him to read more independently and enjoy it, as well (When reading today, had to read aloud to people and suddenly he enjoyed it. Sat on the arm of my chair and if I tried to write he moved his butt onto my pen hand)

Spiritual - More organized prayer life

Roots - Started, still somewhat attached, image of stretching them so plan is out of ground and then stretching plant to south and replanting with roots running up to Cville

Self Improvement - Judo? Exercise? Take up riding again? I'll probably need to be more familiar with horses working on a farm...

Carrie and Shane - Horseback riding lessons? Something they can share memories about besides being on the couch and TV

All a bunch of random thoughts. I'm falling behind on my blog posting again, so I'm rushing to get some stuff written down. I took a long break from coffee, but started up again for Christmas. You'd think that would help, but I've also started playing video games again and that counters being more awake in the morning and then some!

Summer Goals Reflection

I posted my summer goals for 2018 here.

How I did:

1 - Burnout Recovery: Not a 100%. I'd like another month! I feel a lot better, but it's time to go back regardless. This may be my final year at my current positions before I start shopping around. A lot of that will depend on the year and who my new boss will be. Surprise - I don't have a boss yet! My current boss was too good at her job and got promoted. They offered the job to someone in July who didn't take the position. The ad went back up and as far as I know it is still unfilled. That leaves a lot up in the air.

UPDATE: I started to write this reflection earlier in the week. Since then (Friday early AM to be exact), I have a boss! She used to be the principal at the HS the first year I moved to Cville. Kind of odd for her to hop up to division administration in another county from a HS principal's chair and then hop back down to a program administrator, but maybe she's trying to get back to what she loves. I guess I'll find out Monday. She doesn't officially start until the 22nd, but she's coming in to meet us.

2 - Travel: Mission accomplished in spades. We drove all over. We went to VA beach, NOVA, Staunton, Richmond, SC, and ME. We spent a night in a hotel in CT and dropped by to see Bill and Jill in NJ.

3 - Stay connected: Lots of family time and visits with people this summer. It would be easier if people lived in Charlottesville! We got to put in face time with a ton of connections out of Cville, at least. Some of it's been online (GURPs), but most has been in person. I do have some connections around town, but either they've been on vacation, are on summer break like me, or there's some extenuating circumstances they're going through. Rah would have preferred if we were around town more, but we really weren't.

4 - Make new connections: Shane spent time with Sam when we could (about once every week and a half?). I meant to message more kids from his school to set up play dates, but we ended up on the road for much of the summer. Shane liked meeting Ken's kids in NOVA. We'll have to hook up with them for the monthly board game club John puts on when we make it. I've gone to the local board game meetup thrice. It's enough to recognize some faces and be recognized by a few, but not much more than that.

5 - Be grateful: I've really enjoyed this summer even with being tired from burnout. I wish it would hang around another month!

6 - Exercise: Nope. I've been active enough, but no focused exercise. I have a bike I meant to ride, but have not.

7 - PhD research: Nope. I have been thinking, though. I don't really want to go administration, but it's the only type of degree that could actually lead to a promotion. Maybe it's something I should try at some point down the line. If I took a pay raise as an assistant principal at an elementary school later in the career it could help the retirement funds.

8 - Be exciting: See number 5. I feel like it's been an active summer and I'm thrilled I've gotten to see as many people as I have. I'd still be happy if a few moved to town.

I'd say 6 out of 8 goals were accomplished this summer. It certainly wasn't a waste of time. If anything, I want more of it!

Reflection 2017 and Goals 2018

Goals for the past year (2017):

1) Be the best ____ I can be.
2) Build community
3) Look into a Doctorate
4) Have a plan for the summer.

I'd say it was a successful year.

1) It's hard to measure #1 quantitatively, but I believe the year went well. The others are simpler.
2) I know more people. I recognize them in different places.
3) I looked. I took the GRE. I did not move beyond that, though.
4) Beach week, Camp Nana and Pop, Mike and Carrie getaway...There was a plan!

There were a lot of big events: Finishing my 2nd year of wrestling with a new HS coach, Carrie's career switch, Nib's birth, Mira's passing, trailer and truck adventures, Korra, Captain, tons of trips including the beach, SC twice, a Mike and Carrie date get away, trying new sports (t-ball and basketball), Shane learning how to ride his bike....the list goes on (That helps explain why I have so many blog posts).

Goals for the upcoming year (2018):

1) Take my next career steps.

• Renew license (every 5 years)
• Figure out the whole PhD or EdD thing. Apply if it looks like a good fit.
• Part time at a community college? I think I'm already qualified, but busy. 

2) Community! Keep building it! Look for a small group again.

3) Summer Camp for Shane this summer. He's not old enough for a sleep away, but he should try a day camp.

4) Stabilize horses - Largely on Carrie. I'd like to get a stable situation with her riding and training regularly. She loves her equines and they're good for her.

5) Work on Bible verse and language acquisition - Maybe I'll write them in Spanish.

6) Continue to grow wrestling in the city - I'll run the Elementary program again and see if I can keep growing the Middle School program in a healthy manner. An assistant coach would help at some point.....and I need to figure out uniforms. I never did this year.

7) Travel - It's good for Shane and good for memories.

Summer 2017 Reflection

Goal 1: Teach Shane to ride his bike

Status: Accomplished! The kid wants to ride it all the time now.....which means I have to move even faster to keep up with him.

Goal 2: Go on some trips! Make some memories!

Status: Accomplished! Shane and I went to the Beach, NOVA, Staunton, and Richmond. We visited Grandma and Grandpa with Mommy, and we drove down to SC as a family (Though, Carrie and I split from Shane to go on separate trips). Carrie went to Ireland with Grandma, and to finish it off Carrie and I went to Delaware for Dan and Shar's wedding.

Goal 3: Finally play Pandemic Legacy.

Status: Accomplished and completed! We finished it!

Goal 4: Help Shane build connections.

Status: Accomplished. He spent a lot of time with friends and family this summer. Now, I would have loved to have done more. I'd love to find another family at Jackson-Via for Shane to be friends with in addition to the neighborhood, and out of neighborhood friends he has. However, I think he was given plenty of social opportunities this summer. We weren't hermits. We're bumping into more people here and there that we know through school, VBS, or an activity.

Goal 5: Get some sort of adult social life going on.

Status: Maintained. Shane is my social life. I finally tried to go to a board game meetup, but it was a one-time event. I have been meeting up with Matt, Pat, and John online roughly once a week. Work will put a lot more social in my life when it starts again.

Goal 6: Think of something else for Shane to learn or experience.

Status: Accomplished. I'll say the creek. We've never done that before and he sure has loved it.

Goal 7: Learn something myself (Like a focused effort, not the normal daily learning)

Status: Researching. I haven't joined a class or really pursued anything, but I have looked at GRE test dates and homebrewing. My first brew isn't ready to crack open yet, but I'm looking forward to it! Not an accomplished, but I don't feel like it's a fail with how the summer went either.

Shane starts TKD camp and I go back to work tomorrow. Summer's officially ending.

Reflection 2016

Who'd have thunk?

Reflection 2015

My goals from the past year are here.

There has been a lot of transition.

In the past year:

• Carrie started a new job and moved to Charlottesville.
• She lived in a rented townhouse.
• I finished my first season coaching wrestling.
• We sold our house.
• Shane and I lived at Nana and Pop's until they moved.
• Carrie and I bought a house in Charlottesville.
• Shane moved to Grandma and Grandpa's.
• He moved to Charlottesville next.
• I slept at Jama's and at Matt's new house (which he and Renee bought in May).
• I finished my last year teaching in Fairfax County and moved to Charlottesville.
• In August, I started a new job.
• In November, I started coaching wrestling again.
• A week later, I became the head middle school coach.
• Oh, and we got a horse.
• Carrie fell off it.
• Come to think of it, the Prius died back in April. 
• That's when we bought the bug.
• A moped may have been purchased somewhere in there, too.
• Shane's been to three day-cares.
• And that's the short list.

We figured out where we were going and got there, though. It was dramatic at times, too. We are not 100% settled to my standard, but we've come a long way.

Shane did get involved in preschool, soccer, and our community group. Wrestling is in progress. He attended a Pee Wee practice before Christmas. I wasn't sure he liked it, but he asked about it again today. 

Travel was more sporadic. We've received more visitors than we've taken trips. Shane and I have both been to SC and NOVA again. The boy and I road tripped down to Roanoke to see Kyle ref hockey, as well. We never made it west as a family. MomMom passed away in Montana. Carrie attended the funeral in St. Louis. The Oregon trip became a Carrie-only, immediate turn-around affair partly as a result. Our only family trips that come to mind were runs to Grandma and Grandpa's and a time-share sales pitch. We got adventures in and I feel connected to old roots, but I hope to get some more family trips in in the future (emphasis on family!). 

Shane's grown tremendously throughout. His baby pictures astound me. Shane read some beginner books for me on the couch earlier. I don't know what mischief he'll be capable of December 2016. 

Carrie and I's growth is harder to see. Carrie spotted a white hair in my beard for the first time (they've been there!). I won't tell you if she has any or from what. It'd be a toss up whether Shane or I caused them. 

Thank you, Lord, for giving and guiding us through an interesting year. I pray 2016 involves lots of settling in and growing roots, but mainly I'm curious to see where you'll take us (after I get some sleep first, of course).