COVID 19 - The Coronavirus: Shane's Grounded

A series of bad choices led to Shane being in hot water.

Shane had been down at the barn. He sulked back up and told me he was in trouble. I asked why and he told me he'd accidentally dropped a belvita pack in Sam's stall. Sam tried to eat it and Carrie got headbutted by him trying to get it back.

The story changed when Carrie came in. There was no accident. One of the boarders had seen Shane dangling the pack in Sams' stall and teasing him with it. Sam knocked it out of his hand which started the chain of events.

First, horses can't eat just anything. Sam may or may not have tried to eat the plastic pack, but out of all our horses he's the one most likely to do it. If Sam ate the pack it could have been nothing, but it could have been a serious (and seriously expensive) vet call. Carrie ran into the stall to get it from him which startled him. She got headbutted by a large horse head getting the pack back.

Second, Shane lied. He lied to Carrie at the barn and to me at the house. Carrie was already suspicious, because with the gate Sam can't reach out of his stall. So how did the pack roll into the stall? The boarder told Carrie what she saw.

Which leads to point three: Shane did this in front of our boarders. They pay to have their horses taken care of. Carrie's wants to do a good job and wants boarders to feel like their horses are in good hands.

So Shane got a serious talking to when Carrie came back to the house furious and with a headache (which she sported the rest of the day).

No Minecraft for a week. Not the game. Not videos about it. Nothing. Shane was off electronics for Sunday, too.

In the end, Shane was off Minecraft for two full weeks. Shane has a habit of pushing Carrie's buttons at the wrong time. Multiple times, he boldly pressed on either ignorant or uncaring of all the warning signs until she added days here and there.

With anything, the goal is that Shane learns. There's a number of things he could learn here from horse care to honesty to reading warning signs he's pushing too far and someone else isn't appreciating whatever it is he's doing. All good lessons. I pray he learns them all!

COVID 19 - The Coronavirus: Pee-mageddon Take Two

It happened again.

I've been asking Shane to check the cat pot every day as part of home school. I started to smell cat pee around Tuesday. I knew Shane threw out the old pee pad Sunday, so I wasn't worried.

I still made a point of explicitly asking, "Have you checked the pee pad? I smell pee."

Shane's reply was always the same, "Yes."

"Alright. I'm going to trust you." 

And then I would and would not double-check after him.

Friday it still smelled like pee. It'd gotten strong enough the trust had eroded. I told Shane I smelled pee and wanted him to take care of the cat pot.

Shane picked it up out of the box and spilled pee on the floor. There was no pee pad! NONE!

Instead of jumping to help, Shane was indignant. "It was there on Tuesday!"

We were not happy.

So Shane found himself wiping clean a pee pad tray on our driveway.

We talked. Oh, did we talk.

I'd never imagined he would repeat the same mistake after the last debacle.

Shane insisted there was a pee pad in there when he checked Tuesday. He wouldn't let go of that belief, so I had to press him on it. Hard.

When did you throw away the last pee pad? Sunday.

When did you check the pee pad last? It was there on Tuesday!

Who would want to sneak and take the pee pad out? But it was there!

Would your mom or I when we got so mad last time? No.

Did you take it out and throw it away after only two days? No.

So who would? No one...

So was there a pee pad in the litter box on Tuesday? 

Shane knew he was in trouble, so I'm not surprised he was on the defensive. I wasn't going to let him get away with anything other than realizing what he had done.

"So every day when I asked if you checked the pee pad? You only checked once on Tuesday?" (And even then so quickly you thought there was something there?)

I told him I was super upset, because this wasn't one bad decision. It was a culmination of multiple bad decisions over time. Every day he was asked to check he had a chance to realize something was wrong. 

If he had decided to do his job, he would have had a chance to fix things whether he tried to secretly fix it or ask for help.

Instead, he kept making the same bad decisions, lied about doing his chores properly, and failed to admit/apologize when the splatter hit the tile (again).

Yes, I chewed him out for a chunk of a conversation. I was upfront with what I wanted him to learn.

I asked three big questions.

1 - "Who is put first when you focus on doing your job well?" The family. We wouldn't be here. There would be no pee smell. The cats would be taken care of. Mom and Dad would be happy, because they could count on Shane. Shane would be happy, because he helped, earned goodwill, and he'd be protected from being chewed out (again) because the job would be done well!

2 - "Who is put first when you focus on doing your job quick?" You. It saved you a little time, so you can get back to whatever you were doing. Only now, Shane had spent more time cleaning up and getting chewed out than he had saved by not checking the pee pad 4 times. 

I had Shane check the pee pad while I counted seconds. It took him 10 seconds, because he started to pick up the whole litter box. I had him put it back down and slide out the drawer a little bit (that he uses to change the pee pad so I knew he knew it was there!). That took all of 3 seconds.

We did some math.

3 - "Do you remember what happened the last time this happened?" It was terrible. I told Shane I thought he would never have chosen to go through that again. I never wanted it to happen again. The laundry room already smelled of pee! We needed to make sure it didn't happen a third time or any time ever again.

Shane went to his room to process. He knew he wouldn't have any electronics for a while, because those were normally what he was in a rush for and rushing caused the problem.

I was going to make him write instructions and post them over the cat pot. I don't know if Shane heard me talking to Carrie or he came up with the same idea himself. He suggested it when I debriefed him from his alone time.

Shane did a good job writing the draft, too. He sat down and wrote it right away with only a few errors.

I wanted three steps: Scoop poop, check pad, sweep litter, done.

Shane suggested a fourth step. He used my exact words, so I knew he had listened some outside.

I wasn't happy with the pee on the floor, but I think the right lessons were reinforced. My prayer is that the lessons stick and Shane knows we love him even as we set expectations for him.

Ironically, I felt like the real loser with Shane's consequence! Plugging Shane in is how I get a chance to rest! Now he was guaranteed to be begging for attention for days to come....but maybe that's worth not having to worry about my house smelling like cat pee.

Escalation Clause

Shane was happy to be back in school Tuesday. A few days later, I got a text from Carrie. Shane's teacher texted her.

Carrie asked me what I thought we should say. I said that the teachers really needed to work with Shane on his capitalization and punctuation. Plus, I wasn't sure if he was using the right "your." Was he referring to someone's butt? Or was he calling them a butt? But, hey! He used the right spelling of butt.

Carrie didn't think it was overly funny at the time. She was upset, because it felt like she only heard from the teachers when it was a "Look what your kid did now" situation. She gave an honest reply that we'd support them, but wanted to know more of the circumstances.

For the record, I don't do live commenting on anything because of the temptation for kids to post ridiculous things. I...uh...may have done some of that myself. At a staff meeting. It was hilarious, but the point is that temptation is strong for kids and they may not have my comedic appropriateness (and I've done it more than once over the years...The last time was at a training and the trainer was moving so slowly I made an account for Batman that appeared when she didn't expect it).

Anyway, Shane did something impulsive and was easily caught. He needs to learn to think before acting.

And he needs to work on his writing. I made him practice.

When I asked Shane what happened, he said that he had been arguing with someone. They were rude, mad him mad, and he typed in they were a butt.

"But how would anyone know who you were talking to? Do you think the teacher thought you were talking to him?"

That made Shane stop for a moment. He said Mr. B had come to the room to let Shane know he'd seen it and was going to write home.

I can sympathize some with the teacher. I don't like leaving my classroom in a sub's hands, because I have no way to direct anything. Shane did something annoying that popped up clear as day in writing on his teacher's computer. He may have been trying to monitor how things were going and boop! "ur butt."

I've talked to Shane a lot of times about having the intelligence, wisdom, and strength to recognize when things are escalating.

He's still working on it.

Case in point, Friday I got a call from the after school teacher. Shane had a bloody lip. He'd been arguing with a girl and she said something that he really didn't like. He threw something near her and she threw something that he probably wanted to have dodged.

Shane's doing well over all, but I sometimes wonder how he'd be doing at Jackson Via compared to Scottsville. There were more kids after school, but there were at least double the helpers. There'd be three different 3rd grade classrooms and they'd be smaller. There would have been a chance Shane would have been with his friends.....but there were also some rough moments with other kids kicking him, etc. It could be Shane would be learning some of the exact same lessons he's learning in Scottsville.

I need to schedule a meeting with the school at some point to check in. Maybe once I'm caught up with everything (......like next year?).

Ewww

It was a long day. I was tired when I came home with Shane, but Carrie was stressed and I wanted to help out. I walked some stuff out to the garage to clean and then stopped by the cat litter. I could smell pee, so I decided to be conscientious and change out the litter pad.

There are three things you need to know about this.

1) We have a litter system that reuses pellets and collects pee underneath. We've had the system for years. Normally, a pee pad lasts about a week.

2) It's Shane's job to clean out the litter and keep an eye on things. Frequently, I do the pee pad, but I've shown him how.

3) The cats knock the litter pellets everywhere, so Carrie put the litter bin into a box from Costco. It's a tight fit and the bin has to be tilted to fit in and out.

Back to the scene of the crime.

It occurred to me as I bent down to get the litter box I didn't remember changing a pee pad over break. I'd been too busy doing other stuff, but Shane was supposed to come in daily. The smell was awful, but I reached in, tilted the litter box up. It was heavier than I expected and the edge got a little stuck as pee poured out.

That wasn't right.

I stood there like an idiot in total shock. I felt what had to be a month's worth of cat pee sloshing around and pouring out onto my hand, coast sleeve, into the box, and onto the floor. A golden puddle was forming and my eyes were watering up when I finally yelled for help.

Carrie came running and you can imagine her reaction. My brain was still reeling, but I eventually got the idea to carry the bin into the garage.I was able to rip the litter bin out of the box (which seemed far flimsier as the pee ate at it). Then I tried to remove the pee pad.

The pee pad was so swollen that it had outgrown the tray. It squished and more piss wrung out of it as I tried to extract it while my senses were assaulted.

The scene of the crime looked like this.

Carrie was going to work on the ammonia scented lake inside. She drilled Shane. "How could you not notice the smell whenever you scooped the litter!?"

"I always held my breath!"

Shouldn't that have been a sign something was wrong?

By the time we got things cleaned up (though the smell may never leave) it was time for horse chores. I made Shane come with me part as a punishment and part to get him out of the house (Carrie was fuming and the fumes in the laundry room weren't roses either).

But that's not all.

After horse chores, dinner, and putting Shane to bed, I took Loki out for his bedtime bathroom break. It started off normal. Loki peed and then we went around back so he could poop.

If you have a dog, you know what a dog pooping looks like.

Loki dropped into a squat, but he didn't come back up.

If you have a dog, and your dog has a lot of hair, you may now where this is going.

Loki hobbled around the yard a bit without leaving poop position. He hobbled up to me and I already knew what to expect.

There was a full moon as I had the dog trapped and struggling between my legs as I tried to hold his tail up with one hand and help extract a turd from his fur with the other. There, I had a thought. My neighbors may have thought I was insane if they heard my laugh.

"The night started off piss-poor and ended on a shitty note."

Animal Trouble - Grounded!

One of the quickest ways to get under Carrie's skin is to bother an animal. 

So imagine how quick Shane got in hot water when he launched himself on the couch next to a sleeping Bucket! The cat bolted awake and ricocheted off the wall with a parkour move! She ran down the hallway in a complete panic.

Carrie was watching and Shane was smiling when he should have been showing some remorse.

I drafted Shane for some afternoon errands, because electronics-free and with energy he tends to burrow himself further under Carrie's skin and into more trouble. 

We tried to go by Northside library, but it was closed. I dropped us by a used book store instead.

I miss going to the Book Rack in Beaumont when I was a kid. My sibs and I bought and traded a ton of books there! Prices have gone up since then, but with rent the way it is I'm not surprised.

I tried to point Shane towards Runaway Ralph, but he had other ideas. He picked out some books and then ogled at the store's fish.

We went by Costco afterward, because it's a great weekend stop. Shane wanted to be "the cart claw" for me. I let him and even encouraged it....by pushing him into the cold area on his own.

"Get some milk, Cart Claw!"

Shane stuck to his job and used his claw to drag himself over!

I had him check the dates and everything before going in to get him.

I sent Shane outside with Loki some when we got home. Shane had Loki running circles around the arena to catch him! Shane would climb up the fence and jump up whenever Loki got close. That led to another lap for Loki and both boys worked out a chunk of energy.

Shane took a long shower near bedtime and we survived his grounding a-okay. I don't know if he really learned his lesson or not, but hopefully the seed is in there somewhere!

You Lucked Out Kid

Kids wander at my school. They cut class in ways that seem way to easy compared to when I was a kid.

So I had some kids take a 30 minute bathroom break and I said, "That's a write-up."

One kid didn't care. The other kid did.

The kid that cared was upset and kept trying to talk me out of it. The kid didn't want to "get in trouble for something stupid."

"Then don't do something stupid," was my reply.

I felt a little bad for the kid who cared's sake. 

However, I found this when I went to mail room later: No referrals.

Either people filled them out faster than they could be restocked or someone failed to put them out.

I took it as a sign to be merciful.

The next day, I asked the kid to guess what happened when I went to write them up.

They stopped me mid-story. "You were going to write me up?"

"Yup."

Then I showed them the picture above. I said something like, "I'm a religious man. I believe in signs. I took this one as God was looking out for you. Don't do it again."

Seemed to work out well...this time. Wandering and skipping is still a bit of a problem school-wide.

Shane's Grounded

Carrie texted me at work. Shane's teacher contacted her about Shane's computer usage.

Carrie and I texted back and forth to discuss it. Then we asked Shane's afterschool program to not allow him to use his computer after school. Shane needs to learn to use his computer appropriately if he's going to have it for recreational use after hours.

We were going to leave it at that, but part 2 happened after Shane and Carrie left the wrestling scrimmage. 

Carrie had let Shane play on her phone for the ride home. She was in a great mood. She'd had a good ride with Jenny. She surprised me. She picked up Shane early from afterschool and felt like things were going well.

She was extra happy when Shane agreed to help out with barn chores without any complaining! She hopped out of the car and went to work in a good mood.

She was still working in a good mood half an hour later when she realized, "I'm almost done.....Where's Shane?"

Shane was sitting in the car on the phone. Still.

So Shane's off electronics for a bit. He couldn't resist at school and then he couldn't resist at home.

I'm hoping to give him a chance to earn them back at home over the weekend (Probably Sunday).

Shane's Behavior

Shane's a great kid. I want to say that, before I write this next bit.

Shane needs to work on apologizing, listening, and not being a turd.

It was a stressful weekend. Shane played in to part of it (of course). Something happened where the dog came in shedding sand everywhere ("I didn't do it! He fell into my sand pile!"). When Carrie asked Shane to go change and to come back to help, he hid in his room. She started to vacuum and when she realized he wasn't coming back out, she was upset. Shane swore he didn't hear her say to come help and he swore he didn't hear the vacuum cleaner either (even with Loki barking at it). 

I had Shane working on cleaning up later on. 

I remember when Shane was little and I'd tell him not to make such a big deal, explode, or crumble when something went wrong. It's almost like he learned the lesson too well. When corrected, he usually acts like it's no big deal and doesn't offer an apology until directed.

It's not all the time, but it's enough of the time that I've noticed it and Carrie has definitely noticed it. It really bothers her. Especially, when you ask him to stop doing something and he either keeps doing it or starts to talk about something else entirely.

Shane's not very fast to react when told to do something either. I can recall one incident told him "Put down the dog." I said it nice, but very clearly the first time. He kept walking with Loki dangling and kicking and I said it more forcefully the second time and then I had to really project the third time. "Ok! Okay! Sheesh!" was the response.

Some of that, he probably gets from me. I zoned out and could be oblivious as a kid (with a side dash of being hyperfocused on what I liked). I could also be a talker, but I think a lot of that changed after I dealt with a bully and some trouble at school in 2nd or 3rd grade. I think that taught me to be quieter and pay more attention to what was going on around me....., but it's hazy. I was young.

Shane's got a dash of imp, as well. That he definitely gets from me. I watched him push Bucket off a chair just as Loki was running over. He knows she's terrified and he was looking for a show. I saw it and called him out on it (No apology until Carrie pointed that out).

I don't understand parents who think their kids can do no wrong. I love my kid and think he's an A- at minimum, but he's human and a kid. He will always have something he needs to work on. That's why he needs Jesus. For that matter, I need Jesus, too.

Anyway, some parental venting and logging.

Minecraft Trouble

Carrie got a message from Shane's teacher. He hasn't been honest about how much he's been on Minecraft at school and it's become a problem/distraction. 

The teacher asked us for suggestions and Carrie said to take away Minecraft for a week. I would have suggest "all laptop games," so Shane's lucky Mom answered that one!

I picked Shane up from school and we had a small talk, but I didn't pursue it much then. We had soccer.

It was a good day to have a physical and social outlet. I would rather have Shane feel more connected to a team and get some exercise than play Minecraft.

Today was special in that Shane had to run off into the woods to relieve himself.

Shane wanted another gas station burger (we grabbed emergency rations last week before Back-To-School-Night), but Carrie had something better waiting for us when we got home: Shepard's pie.

It almost felt like celebrating Shane getting in trouble.....almost. Shane did get a talking to and they removed Minecraft from his computer.

Moving Part 2

The calendar kept ticking down closer to closing.

Shane's contribution is the guy getting pantsed.

We've still had stuff everywhere come Wednesday. We recycled glass, filled bags of trash, and Silas took the outdoor furniture and bike off our hands.

The truck has been indispensable.

I actually enjoy the game of trying to make everything fit efficiently. It's a spatial puzzle! Tetris and Dr. Mario prepared me well.

We thawed and dried the freezer, rolled up the mattress layers, and got the rest of the large items out.

Thursday night, Shane was sleeping in only a sleeping bag. Carrie and I claimed the air mattress.

Though Carrie found "the perfect spot" and fell asleep across two bean bags.

Friday, the house was looking bare up and down the stairs.

The junk was all on the main floor.

Here's a final shot of our very full storage unit.

As the house was laid bare, some old imperfections rose to the forefront. The previous owners had damaged the floor in places.

We'd simply thrown furniture on top of them. Carrie did touch up work, but we'll see what they say when they notice. It's not like anyone should expect a used house to not be used in places, right?

Shane was mostly worthless through the process. I would have involved him more, but his brand of help and Carrie's tolerance level weren't the best mix. I made sure to involve him in some activities in between electronics breaks to burn some energy.

He was largely unfazed (or somehow oblivious) to all of the moving. He had a minor breakdown  with me the day I made him break down his k'nexs.

I got compliance after a while, but then there was a long pout.

Overall, it was a minor thing. Carrie opened up an old can of worms by re-installing Pokemon Go on her phone. The first words out of Shane's mouth every time we got in the car were either, "Can I have your phone Mommy?" or "I love you, Mommy -" followed by "Can I play Pokemon Go?"

Friday, we got breakfast at Wegmans before our final dump run (at least, what I thought would be).

Shane wasn't allowed out of the car, but...

...cue the Mighty Machines music!

Carrie and Shane had their trail ride in the afternoon while I packed up the cars. There are still little odds and ends around the house, but I figured we were 98% done.

We're only supposed to "sweep the floors," but Carrie started cleaning to her standards. She plans on coming back on Sunday to finish off the last bits while Shane and I are at the beach.

We drove off around 4 PM. We're almost to the end of this leg of the journey.

The Lead-in and Then Today's Continuation

"Dad, how do you spell 'kid' backwards?" Shane asked.

We were on the way home from soccer.

"D - I - K."

I could see where this was going.

"Say it out loud," Shane said.

"Nice try, kid." I grinned.

Shane stopped and it as quiet for a moment.

"So....who tricked you with that one?" I asked.

"Aiden! I said it out loud around a bunch of people! They all laughed and laughed!"

"Uh huh. It's always good to think before speaking. You won't fall for that one again, will you?"

"Nope!"

A good lesson and a good joke.....for the elementary level.

Still, there was more that could be learned.

"Who did you try to trick after you got tricked yourself?" I continued.

Of course, Shane tried the joke out himself. That's classic kid. Shane regaled me with a long story, I nodded to and laughed about. At the end, I continued my train of thought.

"So what do you think the kid you tricked did next? Do you think they tried to trick someone else?"

Shane did. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if Shane was holding back that he tried the joke ten more times!

I said something about how that kind of joke could create a cycle. Someone got tricked and then they'd trick someone else and it could be funny, but it wasn't always nice. It could get ugly if people kept going back and forth. I said that as Christians, Jesus wanted us to be the kind of people who could break a cycle by not getting back at someone. People who could accept they got tricked, learn from it, and know that they were okay as is because they were loved.

I also told him that he would get in trouble at school and at home if he kept using that word. Shane's not quiet type. I made it very clear I would be upset if I heard he was being rude and using bad words at school. "They're called your privates, because you keep them private."

I felt like a good parent and that a lesson was learned. I hoped that I'd headed off a future note from Shane's teacher, as well. He's gotten in trouble for potty humor before, but it seemed like he was really understanding what we talked about.

Fast forward to Thursday - Carrie and I picked up Shane from school together. Carrie wanted to drive down to visit our future home as a family and Shane revealed a note his teacher had made him write.

I can't find the letter now, but the gist of it was this. Shane's teacher stepped out of the room to put the lunch leftovers away. A kid in the class named Anthony (not the soccer one), was joking around and slapping himself between the legs and Shane yelled, "Stop slapping your dick!" in a full-Shane voice that echoed beyond the classroom as she returned.

There was a post-it note from Mrs. B attached that read, "This is not the first time."

I was annoyed, but Carrie was mortified.

It made for an uncomfortable drive. I thought she was too mad, but maybe her sitting and fuming is what will communicate to Shane what I thought he'd already understood.

We did arrive at the home site and got to take a look around. Progress has been made.

The foundation is going in. We're projected for an August completion date. Carrie's got more pictures and I'll eventually post a "Stages of Development" post. It's starting to feel more real to me.

Carrie went out earlier in the week and got sunburned marking out future fence posts, the arena, and the barn.

We stumbled across a skeleton while we were walking the grounds.

Shane was fascinated and Carrie let him unearth it a little. She used to work as a vet tech, so she was able to answer some of his questions.

As we walked around, the neighbors rode by on a tractor. Shelby, a 4th grader, was getting a driving lesson from her grandpa. We stopped to talk for a moment. Maybe the kids will get to go fishing together sometime in the future!

Carrie requested we stop by a local restaurant for dinner. It turned out it was "Kids eat free" night! Shane desperately wanted to play some video games (and even tried to worm his way in), but he wasn't allowed (See: "Kid backwards").

Carrie and I enjoyed our meals. Scottsville is a small enough place, I wouldn't mind getting established as a 'regular' at a place or two.

Carrie wandered off on a work phone call and Shane and I caught up with her at a creek behind the pavillion. Carrie spotted a large snapping turtle that had embedded itself in the mud and refused to move. She was tickled pink!

It was a happier ride back. Shane didn't get any electronics and we've had a talk since. It'll be a funny story when he's older......though, I think it's pretty funny right now!