Yet another thing people told me while Carrie was pregnant has come true. I was warned that parenting would introduce me to new "highs and lows" in my life.
Allow me to explain.
When your child is upset, you're upset. When they are excited, so are you. The difference is that you cannot control your child's emotions, so you get to ride along whatever roller coaster they drag you on!
Parenting is definitely an endurance sport. Once that little one takes his first breath, you're on duty until the day you die. Sounds morbid doesn't it? (I tend to look at things in a "what's my duty?" sort of way sometimes.) Even when Shane's asleep, I have a monitor nearby in case he may need me. The whole parenting gig started off with broken and missing sleep, and even though Shane's sleeping well now I've had to redefine what rest and relaxation means to me. Many times, I spend my off time doing tasks and chores that need to be done so that my on time will be easier to bear. There are some days I feel burnt out and drained of energy by evening. Those are the days I lay on the floor counting down to baby bedtime and supervising Shane by letting him crawl all over me and manhandle my ears and hair. Those are the days I wonder if I'm a good parent or not.
On the other hand, parenting can also be a rush. When my boy smiles, I feel like everything is going to work out fine. Watching Shane learn a new task or get really excited about something is contagious. Things that I find mundane and boring (like opening a door), become entertaining to watch when Shane's the one straining to reach the handle. I'm really looking forward to the discoveries he's going to make in the coming year! Hopefully, I'll get lots of pictures and videos too, because they're a joy to flip back and look through. Secondly, Shane's instilled in me a strong sense of duty and purpose when it comes to his care. I've never worked harder around the house or at work now that everything I do I feel as if I'm not doing it just for me. I'm doing it for my boy who's counting on me. There's some stress associated with that, but I feel like it's "growing" stress instead of the "tear you down" variety. Finally, being a parent has taught me A LOT. I've read and read, and thought about a lot of things in new ways. For one, I have infinitely more empathy for anyone who's a parent now! Plus, I know that being a homemaker is not the racket I once thought it was. I'd rather be working (unless of course the boy were to be in school most of the day and then I'd reconsider!)
The bottom line is: would I do it again knowing what I now know? Yes. I'd take a second child if the opportunity came along. I feel like being a parent has been a growing experience for me, and I'm looking forward to seeing my son grow more.
On a sadder note: I received an email this week that hurt to read. I further highlighted to me just how blessed and what a privilege it is that I even have a son. I'll copy it in here, but delete the names so you can read it if you wish. It's an announcement from someone I know that they've discovered their unborn child's brain and spine never fully developed and life outside the womb is not viable. Carrie and I didn't announce her pregnancy until we were sure we'd gotten past the most common miscarriage point (because they happen far more often than people think), and I spent most of the pregnancy praying that my son would be born healthy (working with all of the exceptions to the rule in special ed does wonders for the imagination of an expectant father).
Anyway, click if you want to read the email and remember: kids are a blessing if you have them....no matter how tired you are at any given moment! I'm still amazed it's been over a year for me.
