Kids Say the Darndest Things

Old story I'm surprised was never recorded:

The night of my coaching class, I picked up Shane from day-care and drove him to Nana and Pop's. There was traffic along the way.

We stopped at a red light and Shane spoke up. "Daddy, I need to go pee."

"Can you hold it for a little bit?" I asked.

"My peeper is all full and gonna explode!"

I laughed. The cars around us probably heard.

"You have to hang on a minute, Shane. I can't drive through the cars in front of me."

A few seconds passed. Shane spoked up again."Daddy, my peeper is full and going to explode like a volcano!"

I was surrounded by cars with a desperate toddler and I could not stop smiling. I was insanely proud of how well Shane described his predicament. Insane, because my son was about to pee himself.

"Hold on one more minute, Shane. We'll stop up there," I said.

I pulled up and parked at an office building. Shane immediately started to cry, "No! Not there!" I dragged him out of the car.

A few minutes later I dragged him back out to the car. This time he was crying, because he did not want to leave the building. "Daddy! I want to go in the doctor's office with the toys!"

We had walked by an open allergists door. Guess what Shane saw inside?

"I'm sorry, Shane. There was no bathroom." Or if there was, it was behind security doors or in the allergists office. If it was the only building around, I would've gone in, but we were adjacent a huge shopping center.

I put Shane back in the car and hopped in. I started to drive around the corner to the tune of toddler protests. This time, Shane did not want to stop anywhere else. He wanted to hold it until Nana's house.

"It's okay, Daddy. If I pee in my underwear you can give me new underwear!" 

"No, we're going to stop at PetCo."

"PetCo? Oh yeah! That's a good idea, Daddy! Good job!"

No peepers exploded like volcanoes.