Growing a Problem Solver

I want Shane to be a problem solver.

The problem is: How? 

My solution is threefold: 

1) Let Shane encounter problems.

2) Let him deal with it. Keep support minimal.

3) Let natural consequences happen as long as they're safe and celebrate successes when they happen.

Step 1 is easy. From there it's tougher. It's hard to walk the line between "too much help" and "help too little" and then there's the whole bit about consequences...

Monday night, I asked Shane to give Maddy her food. "It's heavy!" he complained.

I told him to deal with it and soon he was twirling in circles down the aisle. He was fascinated by how the centrifugal force kept the food in the bucket.

I didn't tell him to stop. I did tell him there'd be a consequence if he dropped it.

So Shane smiled and kept at it. 

Meanwhile, a hungry pony watched. Maddy is overweight, but thinks she's being starved on a diet. Shane dilly dallied and she couldn't bear it. 

When Shane "finally" tried to lift the bucket over the gate to latch it, Maddy shoved her head into it. He wasn't ready. The contents spilled all over him!

Shane was shocked.

I laughed.

He really didn't appreciate the laugher.

Shane wanted to go inside and wash off, but I told him to suck it up because there were still chores to be done. "You could always eat it. The horses like it."

In all fairness, it's not easy for Shane to lift the bucket up and over the gate. I'll probably hold off on asking him to do it again for a while, but he could've walked around the gate or set it on the ground to begin with. I hope he'll be aware horses can get impatient just like people!

I don't regret making him keep working while being dirty. Stuff happens in life. You still have to deal with it. Wet hay wasn't going to hurt him, either.

Another example came the next day. I asked Shane to hang some hay bags. He's had trouble reaching in the past, so I suggested he grab something to stand on.

Shane struggled with the task for a long while. I thought he was having trouble with the latches at first and was willing to help.

But then I saw the real reason and I was mad. Shane knew exactly what he needed to do, but had chosen not to do it. I stuffed every single hay bag full of hay while he hadn't accomplished hanging one.

Shane couldn't do it, because he didn't want to take off his gloves.

It was cold yesterday. It wasn't warm out, but it was well above freezing. Plus, gloves can go off and on.

I was unhappy and I let him know it. "You could have done it all this time. You knew what you needed to do. You chose not to do it. Gloves off."

Amazingly, he did much better after that. He could've put the gloves back on, but either he forgot or he didn't think it was that cold after all.

Shane insisted on using a stool I felt was much too small. I suggested he should get the plastic chair that's lighter and twice the size, but he didn't want to.

So I let him try to use the stool. 

He kept floundering and I eventually said, "Why not climb?"

He found that more entertaining and helpful.

Not that I'd suggest he do it whenever horses or Mom was in the barn!

Shane had a good moment shortly afterward. Pockets pushed past Abby and rushed into her stall. "Pull the food out!" I said. Shane did and we switched the food buckets without incident.

I'm still amazed Abby let Pockets get away with it. She normally threatens to kick and bite and chases the other horses out of the way until she goes into her stall! I guess she was so stunned he went for it that he got away with it for once.

I told Shane he needed to scoop some poop before he could go in for the day. I wanted one bucket. 

Shane hummed, played with the dog and the rake and I let him do it. When it came close to class time, I said "You could've been done. If you're late to PE, you're late to PE."

The bucket got filled up much quicker after that. I told him it was full enough at 10:30 AM, so he made it to PE a minute or two late.

It's all a dance. I want to be fun enough, but serious enough. Demand enough, but celebrate enough.

So far, I think Shane's turning out to be a great kid. I know I don't get it right all the time, but hopefully he'll figure out it's because I love him and he'll forgive me for my missteps when he's an adult!