Reflection: Pulled Over

It was my junior year of high school(1998). A friend from school, TJ, threw a Halloween costume party.

I had a car, so I drove. A 1985 Honda accord with over 200k miles on it isn't a high class vehicle, but it drives much faster than no car at all. 

Matze was my wingman for the night. He was a German exchange student and lived with my family for the year and a party animal. I probably picked up Larry on the way, too.

The party was tame for him! There was nothing illegal about it. TJ's parents were home. There was food, music, costumes, and conversations. 

The most risque thing that happened was near the end. Two girls put on an excessive amount of lipstick and gave paired kisses to decorate cheeks (Matze and I both got tagged!).

I felt pretty cool by the end of the night! 

It wasn't super late when the party ended (Parent supervised!), but I ended up with 5 or 6 people packed into my car. Matze didn't call shotgun quick enough, but he got to sit with at least one girl in the back so he didn't complain!

 I had just dropped off the last lady when it happened. Matze was lazy, so he stayed in the backseat.

I pulled out of the neighborhood onto Old Keene Mill Road. The music was up. Smiles were wide. We were tried, but we were that cool.

Then some crazy person pulled up behind us.

I was 16. I started driving in June and it was October. My experience with crazy drivers was still developing. I was going 44 mph in a 40 mph zone and all I could see in my rear view mirror was a pair of hi-beams. They lit up the whole car. 

Matze looked out the back window and couldn't see who it was. It had to be an SUV or something large. The lights crept closer until they were right off my bumper.

It made me nervous, but my turn was coming up. I had to make a right onto Lee Chapel. I sped up a little bit, because I wanted to go away. Pop had taught me it was ok to go 5 over (even preferable in NOVA if you didn't want people swerving around you), but I pushed it all the way up from 44 to 48 mph.

That's when the blue lights hit.

The crazy car was a cop.

I didn't stop at first, because I was too shocked. I remember feeling tricked. Trapped. Betrayed. I wouldn't have been speeding if I didn't think a crazy car was trying to run me off the road!

I did pull over. It's funny how your brain and body can act without really thinking about it. It doesn't always feel real. Pop had talked to me about what to do if I was ever pulled over, so I did it.

I was scared and confused, but hoped it was all a misunderstanding. After all, it wasn't fair! I hadn't been doing anything wrong!

I don't remember everything. I do remember the basics. I turned the car off to show I wasn't going to do something stupid. I said lots of "sirs" and had my wallet out of my pocket so I wouldn't have to reach into my clothes.

There were two policemen. They told Matze and I to get out of the car and they split us up. The cop who was talking to me pulled out a big binder that had Beavis and Butthead on the cover, but I was too numb to laugh or try to say something clever.

They were lots of questions. Where were we going? Is there anything in the car? Who was my friend? What's in the trunk? Why was he in the backseat?

I don't remember if he made me pop the trunk or not, but one question stuck with me: Why did he care Matze was in the back seat?

Then one comment seemed really important.

The cop said I looked like a chauffeur.

Not that I understood it. I was dazed, confused, and wondering "What is my dad going to do if the police call..." I did everything in my power to act calm and respectful even with my inner brain in a lurch.

I told him I sped up only, because I thought he was trying to run me off the road. I don't remember him seeming to care much.

At some point, I heard Matze yell, "WHAT!?"

The questioning stopped eventually and I walked back to stand by my car. Matze hurried over a little later and said, "Mike, they asked if I'm a PIMP!"

Suddenly, the chauffeur comment made more sense.

The bright beams and the tailgating had been to bait us. They were probably going to pull us over regardless, but anything else I did would give them ammo in the conversation.

I was lucky. I got off with a warning.

I drove home at exactly the speed limit and looking in my rear view mirror. I'm pretty sure Matze made sure to sit up front, but I wouldn't put it past him to have sat in the back to show his disdain.

Something clicked in my brain and I started to laugh. I got a look from Matze, but I explained.

Looking in the rear view mirror I realized something. I still had two big smooch marks on my cheeks from the party!

To this day, I don't know if they really thought we were a pimp and chauffeur up to trouble or they were just having their own Halloween fun at our expense. It was my first experience on the wrong side of the police.

I do think I was targeted for being young. It wasn't the last time it would happen, but 'young' is something that you grow out of. It didn't feel fair to the teenage me, but 'young' is something I do take notice of when I'm dealing with people. 'Young' and 'dumb' aren't a promise, but I know I wore both those monikers at times! 

Other people have been targeted unfairly for things you can't grow out of like race and gender. 

I had been taught that things would work out okay if I was honest, respectful, and prayed. And it did turn out okay for me. I was scared, but I still had some hope throughout. "Maybe they'll realize they were really wrong and not want to call or do anything else!"

I was lucky. Or you can say I was blessed. Or I was privileged that there was nothing else about me to target except that I was young.

My students at the alternative schools always liked the story of the teacher being accused of being a pimp's chauffeur!

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Connection:

I'm always amazed at how God can take one event and weave that one thread so that it intertwines with others.

My 'Pimp's chauffeur' story has served as a great answer on multiple occasions to "Have you ever been pulled over for doing nothing wrong?" Or "Has a cop ever stopped you?"

I don't believe anyone can ever understand exactly what it's like to stand in someone's else's shoes, but it's helped me relate and get a laugh. 

What happened shaped how I thought in future encounters and how I tried to avoid any sort of reaction or escalation that would leave me vulnerable.

I can remember the shock, the Beavis and Butthead binder, feeling angry about being baited, and eventually feeling relieved and able to laugh about it.

And that incident started a thread that led to this post, but there was another thread that started it: My dad got a ticket.

I thought of my dad as "Mr. Perfect" growing up. He always did the right thing, knew something about everything, and never got in trouble. He liked school, got good grades, liked to work, and generally was what I was not.

Yet even he got a ticket. 

I want to say it happened before my incident and was what initiated the "How to talk to Police" talk. That could be a trick of memory, though. Pop's always been super organized so he may have had "How to talk to Police" on a checklist of "What to teach Mike about driving" somewhere.

If you've lived in Northern Virginia, you know traffic can be terrible. Pop drove a red Geo Prism. It was a stick shift. He needed to make a right turn onto Roberts Road, but people were backed up from the light.

In my memory, he was "one car length away" from where the turn lane started.

Pop didn't think he'd get in trouble for using the shoulder for 10 ft. There was no bike lane.

An officer was there and he got a ticket.

I don't remember Pop's rules, but my takeaway was something like this:

1 - Be respectful. 

2 - Cops have a book full of rules. 

3 - If you give them any reason to, they can look through that book of rules until they find something.

4 - They can always find something.

5 - And even if they don't they can keep you there for a long time.

6 - Don't do anything sudden.

and 7 - You'll be in trouble if you do something stupid.

I also took away a bonus thought: "If it can happen to Mr. Perfect it can happen to me."

If Pop was pulled over before I was, maybe it was God saying "You can handle this now and it will help ____ here, ____ here, and Mike here down the line." 

I'm not writing the 'big' story, so I couldn't tell you. I only write bits of my little story and hopefully don't mess up too much of it.

COVID 19 - The Coronavirus: Therapy Barn

Heidi came out to the barn with Micha, her husband, and Nathan, her physical therapist. 

Heidi's been dealing with some severe health issues, but she's been wanting to get back into the saddle. Today was the day she was going to try it.

Micha was on camera duty.

Carrie held the lead rope. Nathan and I walked alongside in case there were any balance issues.

It went well! We began to fade support and soon it was Heidi and Carrie with Heidi driving.

Heidi's biggest difficulty is dismounting. She can't bring her leg up over the saddle to bring to drop down on her own (That was my contribution).

Heidi gave Carrie a big hug when her feet were done! She doesn't do social distancing, but I can't censure her for being joyful!

There's still a road to recovery going on, but Carrie's committed to helping. She's been riding and training Eddy to keep him healthy and ready to see his 'momma' again.

They came out again a second time the following week. Micha drove, because Heidi's still not cleared for behind the wheel (She had wanted to drive herself, but Nathan got wind of it!).

Carrie actually gave a short lesson. I spent my time being an extra pair of feet. Carrie would order me to move a mounting block, shut a gate, etc.

Micha and I both came over when it was time to dismount. I waited until I was asked to help her clear her leg over the saddle!

So we're now a therapy riding barn! Carrie loves Heidi and she wants to do whatever she can to help. Micha and Heidi's families are in Germany, so the 'barn family' has all been offering to pinch in and help out.

COVID 19 - The Coronavirus: George Floyd

What happened: George Floyd died while being arrested by four police officers in Minneapolis.

I watched parts of the video. I wished it never happened and it was depressing to watch, but I'm glad it was recorded.

I didn't watch the entire death, but I did watch Officer Chavin kneel on his neck.

I heard with my own ears, "I can't move."

I heard "..get up, and get in the car..."

George said, "I will," but the knee never left. I heard another command to get in the car, but the knee never moved.

I wrestled. I coach wrestling. I trained BJJ. I don't claim to be the best at any of those things, but they did give me first-hand experience of feeling pressure or my neck.

Spoiler alert: It's unpleasant.

Your carotid arteries are on the sides of your neck. A move that pressures them prevents bloodflow to the brain. There's a huge sense of pressure that builds in your head and consciousness can be lost in seconds.

In training, chokes that target the arteries are considered 'safer' than those that target the airways. There's a window of time from when someone 'goes to sleep' from a blood choke that if the hold is removed they reboot without lasting effect.

Officer Chavin's knee didn't press down on both arteries, but it was there for minutes not seconds.

It wasn't removed when George Floyd stopped moving, either.

A high-school wrestling match with double overtime is 8 minutes and 30 seconds. It feels like a small lifetime on the mat.

I did not count the seconds myself, but an article I read said "I used the times noted in the coroner’s report: five minutes and 53 seconds of kneeling before officers declared that Floyd was unresponsive, followed by two minutes and 53 seconds of continued pressure. That totals just less than nine minutes."

George Floyd was murdered.

I have been in adrenaline moments. They make seconds feel like minutes.

I have restrained a student with two other adults to break up a fight. I've restrained students solo. The students were never handcuffed and the restraints felt like they lasted forever, but usually lasted under a minute to get control of the situation.

To hold position with a knee on the neck for that long to someone who was on the ground, handcuffed, and begging that they couldn't breathe and saying they would comply is murder.

I'm no lawyer, but I feel murder charges are appropriate.

My heart goes out to the 17 year old girl on the scene who recorded George die, but I'm glad she was there. There is an abundance of video that cannot be ignored.

I read the initial call for police was because George used a counterfeit $20 to pay for cigarettes.

The officers said that George was resisting arrest, so I watched 5 minutes of footage from a store camera before George was put into the police cruiser. One officer led him away from his car with his hands cuffed behind his back. If he was resisting, I didn't see it. There was a small pouch George dropped while he against the street wall, but he moved when he was told to move and the biggest question moment I had was when he was pushed into the cop car and seemed to fall out the other.

I saw nothing that justified being murdered in the streets.

Was it okay that the store owner reported a counterfeit $20? Sure.

Is a counterfeit $20 a good reason to pull someone out of their car and handcuff them? I don't think so.

But what if he had some sort of drugs on him? Drug possession is not a death sentence much less an instant death sentence.

What if he was high? I don't care if he was drunk or high. Four officers don't need to abuse someone handcuffed.

What if it was a heart attack and not the police? I saw this theory posted on some YouTube comments. Two coroner's reports have been released with some conflicting information. I don't think someone kneeling on your neck would help someone having a heart attack.

Whatever qualifiers a naysayer comes up with: George Floyd died.

Was it racial? I think so.

It may be hard to prove in some people's eyes, but the responses to each step escalated far faster than they should have and led to tragic results.

Even if it wasn't, it's still murder by those who are supposed to serve and protect.

Police are human. They make mistakes.

However, I think it's fair to hold them to a higher standard, because of the authority they are given.

The actions of the officers in question came at a time when the nation was already stressed to the brink. They provided a spark and a conflagration has followed.

I saw video of a man turn a bow and arrow on a crowd of protesters. The crowd reacted and flipped his car. It exploded.

If I hadn't seen the video myself I would have doubted the story.

Protests have kicked off around the nation. There are looters and criminals who try to use the protests for their own advantage. There are touching stories of police who had sided with protesters and there are stories of police who have attacked protesters. There are stories of police being attacked and the president has threatened to use military troops on US soil.

These are challenging times.

My prayer is that God uses these times to refine us through the challenges to have hearts that love and to redress wrongs that have long gone unsolved.

COVID 19 - The Coronavirus: Packing Up

Teachers had to sign up for time slots to clean out our classrooms. We were supposed to avoid signing up for the same 2.5 hour window as any of our neighbors. I picked a morning spot, because I prefer to get things done rather than wait around all day!

I never made a mask, so I used a bandanna. The hat was to cover my greasy hair (Showering is optional in pandemics!).

A masked Assistant Principal and a fellow bandanna wearing custodian were at the door. They gave me a box and said, "It's easy this year!"

That meant I could leave stuff on the walls....so I did! It saved me a ton of effort and I figured the kids might like seeing some continuity when they came back.

Nothing had changed in the classroom. There were still papers in some of the desks I had to clear out.

The cheezits still looked good!

The dead mouse didn't. It was clear no one had been in my room for a while.

I took some stuff down to prepare for next year. I had been adding things we learned to the wall.

I let some kids put up some things and the worksmanship left a lot to be desired.

Why would you use tape in the middle of the words to hang something!?

I gave up trying to save things after a bit. I should have laminated (and it's on the to-do list for next year).

I was done in an hour and a half. Being able to leave things on the wall saved me a ton of time.

I never thought I could run around town dressed like a bandit. It gets hot breathing under there, but it felt a little bit like unleashing my inner kid.

Or maybe that's just because the bandanna makes me look younger. My beard disappeared!

To sake my wanderlust (and be efficient), I took care of some chores while I was up in town.

Things looked mostly the same on the outside save the signs advertising "takeout only" for some. The parking lots weren't full, but they weren't empty either.

There were sneezeguards at the counter in Petsmart and masks on half the people inside (all the employees). I had to drop my two bags of cat food on a plastic table to get scanned.

Wegmans still had a fair amount of cars. I noticed my favorite side parking lot was nearly empty. That entrance had been closed.

There were marks on the ground to help space out people waiting in line for food.

Make your own bakery bundles were a thing of the past. The signage said you could order ahead of time. Otherwise, you took what was in the bins.

There were some gaps where things were out of stock, people wearing masks, and signs to remind me it was a pandemic. I was happy to be out of the house and wandering around (even with the bandanna).

The bagels were more expensive than I would normally buy, but at $12 for a dozen I didn't break the bank. I wanted to celebrate packing up my room somehow. Next week is the last full week of work and then it'll be officially summer.

COVID 19 - The Coronavirus: I've been 'cooking'

I knew I was going to be eating home cooked meals throughout the 'coronoa-break,' but I didn't think I'd be cooking so many of them!

Somewhere in my naivete, I imagined Carrie making gourmet meals five nights a week. I was only the pinch hitter in my dreams!

Instead, I present to you my latest creation: Tortilla pizzas.

Tortilla + spaghetti sauce + mozz = dinner

Thankfully, Shane doesn't expect gourmet!

Is it just me, or do most of my 'recipes' involve melting cheese? Quesadillas, nachos, grilled cheese, 'homemade pizzas'.....and those are the non-frozen options! Taquitos, pierogis, and bagel bites all have cheese, too!

That doesn't mean I can't boil water!

I tried something new the other night. I 'lightly pan fried.'

I didn't know if the potstickers were done or not, so I called for Carrie to come in from the barn. She was busy, but then I started to smell burning. It was as good a cue as any!

But I still took them outside to see if Carrie thought they looked right!

She stole one and declared them edible.

I went fancy for this meal, too. I cooked a side of rice (pour rice + water into rice cooker then hit button that says, "Rice!").

I was excited the next day when Carrie said she would cook!

I didn't realize she wanted to cook on the grill. The un-assembled grill that I needed to set up. So much for the night off!

I did it 98% right on the first try. You're looking at the one thing I messed up. I put the wire farm on the bottom in backwards.

We noticed it when we went to hook up the propane. It was an easy fix and we had cheeseburgers for dinner.

Unlike your stereotypical American male, I have very little experience with grilling. That may change in the days to come as my cooking repertoire expands.

COVID 19 - The Coronavirus: The Loki Update

Loki has been a great addition to the family. I had dogs growing up, but he's been a dog of a different sort.

For one, he's allowed on furniture. That was a no-no in Nana's house. Loki likes to pop up on the couch.

But he'll take it a step further. He likes to look out the window, so he will hop up and lay in the window!

I swear the dog thinks he's part cat.

He doesn't care if I'm sitting in front of the window either. He will hop up and perch his butt on my shoulder like an oversize parrot. If he wants a better vantage point he may use my chest to climb up into his spot.

I'm usually not sure whether to be annoyed or amused....and thus the behavior has continued.

Loki likes to stay close by. He's happy to sleep on anything I'm writing on.

He'll sprawl out under the table or follow me into the bathroom to make sure I'm okay (Quick smell-check the urine?).

Loki will follow Carrie around, too. He'll sit under her chair in the kitchen and he will especially hang out underfoot if she's cooking!

Carrie had an oops with a bag of shredded cheese...

...and Loki was right there to help clean up! I was picking dried out cheese from his fur that night!

Loki's relationship with Shane is a little different. Neither one of them seem able to walk by the other without doing something to cause noise. 

Shane makes noises, stares, and tackles Loki which revs him up and then Loki starts to bark and chase Shane around.

I'm pretty sure they both like it.

I wish they got more of their energy out outside. 

Loki's relationship with Bucket and Max is estranged, but he and Happy are buddies.

Happy will watch from a window whenever Loki goes outside. She'd happily tag along if we'd let her (Which Carrie replied, "Remember what happened when she got away?" when I mentioned it - which I can't find the post of....That's a story).

Loki is getting more comfortable around the horses.

He's still wary (That's good), but he comes into the barn without hesitation (even when horses are in cross-ties).

Part of the reason is he's discovered he likes their food. If anyone's a messy eater, Loki is happy to slip under the gate and help.....as long as they don't notice!

There have been a few scares, but Loki is good about hanging around when we're doing horse chores. He'll come out, run about, frolic, and shows up when called. It's not something we would do in the city, but we have enough land and he likes to stay close enough he doesn't seem to wander off. 

Grandma is worried about him running through the garden, though. He normally doesn't seem to know it exists, but if you kneel down to plant something Loki is happy to lay on whatever you're planting. Just so long as you look deep into his eyes and give him all the attention in the world!

We've got to work on that. We didn't plant everything just for him to trod it into the ground whenever we try to care for it.

At least he hasn't shown much interest in eating the plants when our backs our turned.

Loki's actually a finicky eater. Or at least, he's willing to hold out for a better deal. We used to put his food out and he would ignore it for hours. We started to lock him in his cage to eat and he'd flop down and sleep instead.

Part of it was he decided he was done with the brand we bought. We had a big bag left, so he didn't have much choice.

Loki's stalling and my 'thriftiness' led to an odd development: Loki eats at night. 

Whenever Loki wouldn't eat his food, we'd either sweeten the deal by adding something like beef stock.......or I'd just leave it in the bowl. Then I'd lock Loki up at night and the food would disappear by morning!

We use a different brand of food now, but the night feeding has stuck. Loki will sometimes skip eating in hopes the deal is sweetened, but he eats at least half the time time now.

You know who really likes his new brand of food? Happy. She will reach in through the cage, drag the bowl over, and sample his meals!

It's a dog's life. I started off annoyed Carrie sprung a dog on me with everything going on, but he's become a welcome addition to the family. It's a good example for God to teach me that my way isn't always the best way.

PS - Loki has a 'special' attachment to pillows.