Bullying

The day after I posted Carrie takes Loki to pick Shane up at school, she didn't. And it was a God-given blessing. Carrie didn't know why she didn't bring him, but it would've been difficult if she had.

Shane came out to the car crying. He said he was being bullied.

It tore at Carrie's heart.

So she parked and went straight inside with Shane to talk to his teacher. 

Shane said that there were a group of girls that continuously bothered him. There was a lot of teasing, but there was also a physical component. Mostly shoving and elbowing. He said got hit in the face by a ball at recess. He said that if he got loud or pushed back he got in trouble rather than them. He was frustrated and didn't know what to do. He said didn't want to "look weak" and tell, or "worry us" by mentioning it at home. He said the girls had threatened him not to tell, as well (Which my reply is, "Guess why? They really don't want you to! It scares them, so they try to stop you!")

Since there weren't any 'major' incidents there wasn't a ton of evidence, but it was clear to everyone Shane was affected and upset. For him to come out to the car crying, that was enough. There was one event over the week that would've been actionable, but Shane destroyed the evidence himself. He'd gotten up from doing some math, wandered away, and when he came back someone had erased his work. Rather than tell or re-do it, he threw the paper away.

So something needed to be done.

Carrie said it was a good conversation with the teacher. She said her "Mama Bear" instincts were roaring, but she had Shane do the talking.

Carrie and I left things up to the teacher over the weekend. Shane was his same happy self, so I don't think things went on for too long.

In some ways, Shane is a natural target. He was "the new kid" in a small pond when we moved to Scottsville and still feels that way sometimes. In general, he loves attention and will do almost anything to get it. He'll happily barge into conversations between friends without listening to anything but the most overt cues. Then he usually doesn't know how to take a joke. He squawks and puts on a big show or gets angry rather than laughing it off or turning it into a game to play along with. He doesn't have experience negotiating sibling drama like most of the other kids (A pro in some ways, but a con here!). 

Monday, Shane came home happy. He said the teacher changed the seating chart and there were no issues.

Tuesday, Shane came home upset. He said someone pushed him in the back, knocked him over, and cut the whole line on the way back from music. Of course, no teacher saw and he didn't tell his classroom teacher until the end of the day when there was no time left for her to address it.

I wrote to the principal and she followed up on Wednesday. She came out to the pickup line and talked with Carrie when she was picking up Shane at the end of the day.

It sounds like things have improved to the point they're manageable. There was one incident where a girl elbowed Shane for not moving out of her way when he was sitting down, but Shane's teacher saw it in the moment and acted. The counselor is supposed to check in and work with Shane on how to negotiate his way through things, as well. I'm writing this a couple of weeks later and there hasn't needed to be a follow-up conference. 

It stabs at your heart to see your child in difficult times, but my prayer is that the challenges teach him and forge him into a stronger man one day. At the least, I hope it will give Shane empathy for anyone else having trouble getting along with their classmates.