What's with stuff flying over us lately? A paraglider puttered by maybe 50 feet up in the air?
Yet, Carrie says for the experiment to go on. Which one of us will hit our limit first?
Carrie and I play a series of three hands of rummy most days. We've played so often that we've seen some highly unlikely probabilities play out.
It's become something of a running joke that the deck does crazy things.
"I hate when the deck predicts the future," is my code when I discard a card and the immediately draw something it would've linked with the next turn.....so I can't discard it and the card it would've worked with is already down!
"The deck hates me" and "The deck giveth and the deck taketh" are all parts of the vernacular.
Once, I lost a game against Shane where he flashed his whole hand. I had perfect information and figured I'd teach him a quick lesson. But then I watched as he drew the exact card he needed each and every turn. My lesson became a rapid defeat!
At some point, I coined a phrase. Carrie laughed and she designed a shirt.
I am constantly thinking of posts in my head. "This could make a fun story!" or "I feel this way about this. It's short and clear"
Two things tend to happen: I either never write the post or I start to write but 'short' and 'clear' are nowhere to be found!
Yesterday's post fell into the latter. "It's important to allow kids to makes choices. Because....and because this...and that....this, too....can't forget about.....oh boy."
I've got a good example of the former, too.
A few nights ago, Shane had Loki barking wild and Carrie had enough.
"Each time he barks I'm sending you to bed a minute early!" she said.
Shane slumped on the couch. He wasn't happy about it, but he took the hint.
Things calmed down.
Later I plopped down on top of Shane. It wasn't fast. It wasn't loud. It wasn't intended to make the dog bark, but Loki came running across the room broadcasting he wanted to join in.
"Uh oh! 1-2-3....I wonder how early I can get you to go to bed!" I said.
"What!?" Shane yelled. "You can't do that!"
"..7-8..He's looking pretty pumped! 12!" I laughed.
Shane looked me right in the eye. He looked unsure if he should laugh or protest.
Carrie looked up, too.
"What are you all doing!?"
"Nothing! I'm just laying here and smooshing Shane into the couch. He's not doing anything!"
Loki continued to bark.
And then Carrie took up the count.
"20...21...22..."
But she was smiling.
By the end of it, Shane could have been sent to bed an hour early! We all had a laugh, Loki got out some energy, and the TV went on to wind down afterward.
And I feel like I could've told that story so much faster in person. But as is, it at least avoided being never written!
I'm a big believer in giving kids the chance to make a choice.
Kids need to practice making choices before they're adults and making choices anyway. Our choices help define who we are and who we are going to become, so why not gain some experience early on?
Choices give kids a sense of agency, a chance to learn responsibility, and uncover more of their identity.
Wow, Mike. That was a pretty heavy way to start a blog post. Were you trying to write a research paper?
No, but it's something I think about. It's something that I factor in to how I teach, too, so I felt like it.
And though, I started heavy a kid's first choices shouldn't be. They could choose the color of the cup they want to use, or which toys they want to take outside.
Being allowed to choose lets kids practice some control over their lives. If done well, it can give them experience in being decisive when the stakes are low.
The caregiver's responsibility is to give appropriate choices and then follow through with what the child chooses. In this, bad choices and good choices are both okay. The child should experience the results of their choice and be given time and help to reflect on it. When they're old enough, the kid should be coached to think about any costs a choice may have up front.
And it's okay to make the same bad choice multiple times. Sometimes we don't learn things the first time around. As long as the results are not worst-case, deadly, or a pattern the child can't break free of without help then children should experience the consequences both good and bad from what they choose.
Most people naturally prefer positive consequences and will aim towards those. What they find positive can reveal something of the identity of who they are and who they are becoming.
The choices we make time and time again build a part of our identity. It can be something as simple as a matter of preference: like cheering for the same team repeatedly or choosing a favorite color. But the repeated choices to do something like being grateful or showing respect build character and the hard choices that have a cost reveal things at a person's core (both to themselves and others).
And it's never too late to start making different choices if someone discovers they're on the wrong path.
It can be scary to think about giving a kid choices, because it takes away control from the parent and gives it to the child.
But that's the goal. The power to makes choices should be turned over to the child at the right rate for them as they grow into an adult capable of making the right decisions at the right time.
The parent will lose the power to control choices naturally as they child grows anyway. It's better to cede it naturally in a scaffolded way that builds good character in the child than it is to fight a losing battle that could damage the relationship or child. Or worse, the parent could win the battle.
It's an extra special moment for a parent when a child chooses something they love without being forced.
Which is why I think God offers us choices, too. Love is not in coercion. It is in giving. In giving the choice and sometimes even in paying the cost of that choice for them.
Shane and I went to Grandma and Grandpa's to start the week! If virtual school can be done anywhere, why not travel?
Plus, they have great wifi.
We got a chance to see Bucket when we arrived. I think she spent the rest of our visit sleeping!
