I decided to join the conversation.
Two things:
1 - To learn about someone, you have to listen to them and talk with them.
2 - To really listen, you have to hear what they say with their words (no matter how much profanity) and what's behind the words. You can't shut them down the moment they say something you don't like/agree with.
And so it began. I'll cut out most of the profanity.
I started by saying it was normally a good idea to give two weeks notice.
The student let me know he didn't care and that he didn't care about her being upset about it.
My reply was something along the lines, "Yeah, but it's normally to help you as much as them." I mentioned how helpful references could be and the right excuse left the bridge intact in case it was ever needed again.
"Well, she didn't give me two weeks notice when she fired me last summer."
Huh?
My student had worked for this woman last summer when he was 14. He said she had fired him when his brother told her as a joke that he was cheating on her granddaughter with a college girl.
Another student asked, "Were you cheating?"
"No, we weren't together at the time."
Then came the follow-up, "Did you bang the college chick."
"Hell, yeah! I bagged that!"
Might not have been a lie either based on some things I know about almost being a father (quote: "I could have pulled out, but...").
Eventually, I got them back on track. Things had already gone sideways and I figured I might as well try and follow through with where we started.
"So why did you work for her again?" I asked.
"I needed money, but fuck a job. There are easier ways to make money."
Which brought a new conversation where I mentioned jobs were a steady (and legal) way to earn income (that you earn a lot more with an education), but was told that selling shoes and other things got cash in hand faster.
The bell rung, and I can't say I felt like the conversation had gone swimmingly. It was only the start of the day, too!
Now, before you judge my student let me say this: Jesus loves him the same as anyone else.
That's great, because only Jesus can save him, too. I certainly don't know how to tackle a lifetime of trauma in a 10 minute conversation.
It seems to me that people frequently develop certain attitudes/beliefs without guidance/parenting. If you're always in need, you learn look out for #1 first....but I'm not talking about long-term planning. It's all short-term. What do you want now? What feels good now? If you aren't taught to look beyond the moment, you stay in it and your emotions are law. If the logical part of your brain isn't allowed to develop due to trauma and being in a constantly heightened fight or flight state....well, I bet many of us would sound similar or at least think similar to my student.
The conversation had me thinking for a while. There's a lot of pain and cyclical/generational challenges people face. A lot of what I do at work is ask questions, listen, and don't run when their answers get messy. When they're done, I try to ask questions that promote thinking and reflection or share some of my own thoughts.
I normally don't like to post about work on the off chance anyone could connect and figure out who was talking, etc. I do think it's important to consider where other people come from and what their challenges look like. If Shane was the same age as this student and lived nearby, they would have gone to the same elementary schools. Maybe even classmates.
And every school has kids facing tough things. I tend to end up with some of the louder ones, but there are other quieter ones who slip through cracks all the time.
And so it began. I'll cut out most of the profanity.
I started by saying it was normally a good idea to give two weeks notice.
The student let me know he didn't care and that he didn't care about her being upset about it.
My reply was something along the lines, "Yeah, but it's normally to help you as much as them." I mentioned how helpful references could be and the right excuse left the bridge intact in case it was ever needed again.
"Well, she didn't give me two weeks notice when she fired me last summer."
Huh?
My student had worked for this woman last summer when he was 14. He said she had fired him when his brother told her as a joke that he was cheating on her granddaughter with a college girl.
Another student asked, "Were you cheating?"
"No, we weren't together at the time."
Then came the follow-up, "Did you bang the college chick."
"Hell, yeah! I bagged that!"
Might not have been a lie either based on some things I know about almost being a father (quote: "I could have pulled out, but...").
Eventually, I got them back on track. Things had already gone sideways and I figured I might as well try and follow through with where we started.
"So why did you work for her again?" I asked.
"I needed money, but fuck a job. There are easier ways to make money."
Which brought a new conversation where I mentioned jobs were a steady (and legal) way to earn income (that you earn a lot more with an education), but was told that selling shoes and other things got cash in hand faster.
The bell rung, and I can't say I felt like the conversation had gone swimmingly. It was only the start of the day, too!
Now, before you judge my student let me say this: Jesus loves him the same as anyone else.
That's great, because only Jesus can save him, too. I certainly don't know how to tackle a lifetime of trauma in a 10 minute conversation.
It seems to me that people frequently develop certain attitudes/beliefs without guidance/parenting. If you're always in need, you learn look out for #1 first....but I'm not talking about long-term planning. It's all short-term. What do you want now? What feels good now? If you aren't taught to look beyond the moment, you stay in it and your emotions are law. If the logical part of your brain isn't allowed to develop due to trauma and being in a constantly heightened fight or flight state....well, I bet many of us would sound similar or at least think similar to my student.
The conversation had me thinking for a while. There's a lot of pain and cyclical/generational challenges people face. A lot of what I do at work is ask questions, listen, and don't run when their answers get messy. When they're done, I try to ask questions that promote thinking and reflection or share some of my own thoughts.
I normally don't like to post about work on the off chance anyone could connect and figure out who was talking, etc. I do think it's important to consider where other people come from and what their challenges look like. If Shane was the same age as this student and lived nearby, they would have gone to the same elementary schools. Maybe even classmates.
And every school has kids facing tough things. I tend to end up with some of the louder ones, but there are other quieter ones who slip through cracks all the time.
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