Henry

The animals help, but Shane needs time around other kids.

So it was great that we got to see Henry Tuesday morning! The boys went swimming.

Henry has been working with his dad in Maryland, surfing, and generally unavailable. When the opportunity to play popped up we accepted!

The boys went to the pool first thing. They played a ton with the hose. Henry made "a tank" and Shane looked for chinks in its armor.

The hose became a problem. Henry kept spraying Shane and Shane got annoyed. Only it wasn't really clear he was annoyed. There were times I thought he was getting pushed too far, but then he'd laugh and play in a way Molly and I thought things were fine. I coached Shane to grab the hose itself, but he kept swimming after Henry like it was a game until he got up and left.

The pool quieted down once Shane stomped off. Henry hung around for a bit until I eventually asked, "You think Shane's in the tree fort?"

The last time Shane stormed off, Henry followed him and they worked it out on their own. I would have loved a repeat, but Henry came back without seeing Shane. Enough time had passed without resolution, I figured it was time to step in.

I found Shane up a tree. Really, he signaled where he was. He wanted to be found (and told he was a good hider and a good climber!).

We only reflected for a minute or two before Henry found us. I told Shane Molly and I hadn't realized he was mad, because he kept laughing and swimming after Henry instead of the hose. We talked a little and Shane wanted a personal apology from Henry. I suggested this might be a time Shane needed to extend some grace.

It would've been nice if there were a couple more minutes to process, but Henry came around and started to show the zip line on the tree!

I played bridge. Henry asked, "How'd you get up there?" I said, "Shane's a great climber!"

The conversation developed from there and both boys left happier. I don't know if Henry asked that question to offer an olive branch or not (If so, great job!).

We ended up in the house about an hour after our pool (mis)adventure. I played tech support and helped set up Henry to play Minecraft online with Shane.

Our visit was cut short. Carrie called upset. Chilly's owner had messaged her that he was in dire straights. We went home for support. I played more tech support and helped Shane and Henry connect for their first online Minecraft game!

Shane tried to help, but Henry seemed to prefer to hear answers from me. Shane had some of the right answers, but he doesn't know how to communicate things so that people listen and understand yet.
Henry knows far more about physical tools than Shane, but Shane seems to understand the virtual ones better.

Not that Henry knows much more about communicating. They've played for several days since. My phone gets commandeered so they don't have to type and It's clear the boys have a lot in common with their social skills. It can be quite frustrating to listen to!

Henry will say the same thing over and over again until he gets a response. Shane might just sit there the first three or four times like he never heard it before he launches on a tangent and Henry repeats himself again!

The other day, Shane kept telling Henry to "Stop following him!" Shane wanted to make something for him in secret and Henry didn't want to go along with the plan. They boys argued back and forth and it got to a"Maybe I should go" and "Maybe you should" place.....before it settled into quiet and then went on like nothing happened!

Another time they were arguing and I liked that Shane was using "I statements." Carrie and I were playing cards and our eyes nearly bugged out of our heads when Shane said something like, "...and I feel like you're the devil and being evil when..." WHAT!?!?

Yet the argument settled into normal talk a little bit later. It's hard to listen to. It makes you want to intervene! I did bring up what I thought was extreme later, but I kept Carrie from intervening at the time. I figured if it got bad enough, I'd just turn off the internet as a natural consequence.

Kids need to be able to push each other, make mistakes, self-correct, and reflect. It doesn't make it easy to listen to. A kid who's never had the opportunity to push another kid to get mad at them is a kid who's probably never learned how to consider someone's else feelings and how to apologize. A kid who's never been pushed is a kid who hasn't had a chance to learn how to speak up for themselves and how to forgive. The give, take, step and misstep teaches how to set and respect healthy boundaries.

Or at least I hope it does! It worked for me. Getting into trouble taught me how to get out of it and eventually avoid what I could.

Experience is a seasoning. A lesson isn't finished until it's been learned, used, and internalized.

But that's enough of my own tangent from "We got to swim in Henry's pool and then the boy's played Minecraft together!"