Watchdog

I have a hard time shutting off my herd dog instincts. I find it apparent at the beach or at VBS. I fall back, monitor, and work to create and maintain a healthy environment.

It's different at VBS than school. I scan the crowd for anyone left out to interact with and found myself aware of a pair of girls running in and out of the bathroom gossiping about girl-boy drama. At school I still scan for anyone who may be isolated, but I also might be watching for a hand-off or if tensions were elevated enough for a fight.

Both places, I'm less likely to jump in the middle and really get into a game. I'm too busy doing my thing and making sure everything goes well for everyone else. I'm not a total outsider. Sometimes, the best way to monitor or start something off is to volunteer or be the guy who gets really excited about something. However, it's not about me and what I really want to do is engineer chances for others to be greater and make memories and connections.

The same goes at home with Shane. Whenever we're out and about I can't turn off the watchdog brain. You'd think I could get lost in a book or video when Shane's at TKD or playing with a friend, but I can't. I enjoy watching Shane play, but since there's an element of 'work' in staying on top of what's in the mix it's not always restful. I work hard NOT to correct everything he does, but I want to be aware of what's going on. That gives me opportunities to discuss and reflect on themes over teh course of the day.

I love my family. Love is a feeling, but more than just that. It's an action. Investment. I put my time, energy, and thought into how to serve them.

But it can be tiring.

Especially after I'm burned out from trying to do the same for my students all school year!

I'm not fully over my burnout, but I'm getting there. VBS is a nice switch of pace from teaching and constant conflict to trying to guide kids to have fun in games....where they all participate with minimal (to my standards) whining! God is good. It'll be fun and restful to hand my kid over to Nana and Pop some next week. Hopefully, I'll be able to be fully present and enjoy and be in each moment rather than in the work brain.

This is apparently a recurring topic for me. I wrote about Martha vs Mary once. I even mentioned that kids need other kids. Both mention verses that came to mind as I was drafting this out in mind. I threw that draft out the window and just started writing stream of consciousness, because I'm behind on blogging, though. Oh, well. It got written!