Thoughts from Chores - There's Hay in my Shoe!

Shane was scooping poop in the boy's lot while I was in Eowyn's. I looked out at him and thought, I need to give him some positive feedback soon. He was working real slow, so I figured I'd wait until he scooped a pile or two more.

The next time I looked Shane threw his shoe. 

I guess I waited too long!

There had been hay in Shane's shoe and it kept poking him and it "was super painful." 

I ended up chewing Shane out some instead of praising him. I made him put his shoe back on and keep scooping. He was whiny for a while, but thankfully he pushed through it enough and I could praise his efforts at the end. 

It's tough to figure out the right amount of positive reinforcement. 

I'm Dad, so Shane needs to heed what I say...

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 'Honor your father and mother'—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 'so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.' " (Ephesians 6:1-3)

...but I need to do it in the right way. I can't chew Shane out all the time or set unrealistic expectations for him.

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4)

In general, it's good to be positive as much as possible. Kids need it. Words are forgotten, but people remember how you make them feel. 

However, it needs to be explicit, character-building, and genuine. 

"Good job" is nice, but a generality. "Good job! You did good at ______," or "I liked how you _____," is better, targeted feedback (which we all need no matter how old we are!). If there's constructive criticism that can be given, I try to let the praise stand on it's own first. I don't want Shane to hear an impending 'but...' whenever I compliment him on something. 

I hope to praise things that build Shane's character. I work to praise effort and learning more than outcomes. I try to find positive character traits to praise like empathy and truthfulness. If Shane does something stupid, but is honest about it I try to thank him for his honesty before I give him the consequence (and sometimes I tell him what the consequence would have been before I reduce it because of his honesty).

But the hardest part for me lately is knowing the right timing for genuine praise. I want to praise Shane's actions, but I'm not about to clap each time he uses the bathroom. I cheered like a madman when he was potty training, but the time for that is past! Cheap praise that isn't heartfelt can be damaging. It lowers expectations. I wanted to praise Shane's efforts in the field before he threw his shoe, but I knew it wasn't much of an effort for him at that point. I was annoyed when he threw his shoe because A) he threw it and B) he spoiled an opportunity where I wanted to be positive!

What I have mentioned yet is that when Shane complained of hay stabbing his feet he had no socks on with his shoes. I had recommended he put them on before we left for chores. I saw the potential problem ahead of time and warned him. I left Shane to his own devices after the warning and left before him. I figured he would either heed me or he'd take a risk and maybe learn why I said what I said. The jury is still out on if Shane learned the lesson I intended or not, though!

Despite moments like this Shane's turning out to be a great kid in my opinion. We're all broken and we all make mistakes. Learning something the hard way is still learning, so this isn't an open criticism of Shane. It's me pondering what it's like to be a parent. 

You could reread those previous paragraphs and change the focus to "What did Mike do wrong?" Should I have required the socks before leaving? That would have prevented the whole incident. Or would it have started a power struggle over something inconsequential? Or what if I'd started to praise Shane sooner? Would he have worked through the pain then and earned more praise later?

I want to be a good parent, but even the best human parents don't get it right all the time. I think it's important to take an honest look at my own actions as much as Shane's. "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:5)

Just some chore time musings. This is an example of one of those posts I normally don't always sit down to write! It's easier when there's a bunch of pictures.

Tough Day

Tuesday was tough. During 2nd block Carrie messaged me. She was upset and hurt. Shane was an awesome son and did his best to comfort her since I wasn't there.

There's a Bible verse that I often ponder: "There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death." Proverbs 14:12.  The verse could be read in the context of someone trying to rationalize a bad decision (We humans can talk themselves into all sorts of wrong things). But it could also be read in the context of making a seemingly good decision in the present, but the decision leads down a path that's doomed in the future. Would you accept a raise and a promotion if you knew that a year later it would cause you to die in an airplane crash travelling for work?

So I sometimes wonder about horses. Since Carrie got back into riding she's bought and sold multiple horses, fallen, gone to the ER, had a mare die, had multiple contractors try to scam us building a barn, went through a ton with Nibs only to end up selling her, then she find out from Nibs' new owner that Nibs has chronic pain from a growth abnormality and she had chips in her bone from an old injury that we never knew about. 

Quite a bit, eh?

However, I believe that God works for the good of those who love Him in all things (Romans 8:28). There no guarantees it will be a smooth ride (and if you read the Bible, it basically says, "Buckle up! There will be bumps!")

Carrie's met a ton of people since starting up again including everyone at the barn. I'm writing this as Carrie rides with Gay. Carrie's been focused on her health lately and getting back into shape. She and Grandma have both put forth goals to get back into the saddle together. We built a barn! Having the barn has been a needed social outlet (and exercise opportunity!) during the pandemic. I wish I could say that the barn's been a great financial gain for us, but that's years away (if ever!).

It's been a longer road than I ever imagined. A much windier, bumpier road than advertised that's nearly driven Carrie over the edge at times. But it affects more than just her. Having the barn helped keep me sane and active during the lockdown. And I got a dog out of it! (Hooray for Loki!). I'm hoping barn chores will be a way to teach Shane how to work and grow into a man, too.

So we're still on the road. Which segues into our driveway got fixed up today. 

I noticed when I got home. I remember the guy coming out and giving us a quote, but I hadn't realized we pulled the trigger.

Hopefully, things will smooth out like the driveway.

UPDATE: Random brag on my wife moment, she sent me a picture a couple days later where she was helping Shane with his homework. She came up with a visual for telling apart factors and multiples that I thought was great!

He Still Likes Them

In case you were wondering if Shane still likes ants, he does.

I came in from the barn one morning and Shane came running over to tell me he caught a future queen on her "nuptial flight."

He wanted me to take a picture, so I did.

We used the insect finder app to look it up real quick, too.

Shane was tempted to keep it, but I told him she'd die if he kept her in the house. Normally, the words would go in one ear and out the next as Shane kept his own excited stream of thoughts flowing. 

This time, he paused and thought about it for a moment before starting up. He let the ant go a little bit later to give her a chance. 

I was proud of him. I ruffled his hair to let him know before I had to move off to office hours.

Horses All Weekend Long

I've made a lot of horse posts recently. Buckle in, because here's another. The weekend was full of em.

Friday, the vet, Carly, came out. She floated a bunch of teeth and checked out the pain in Maddy's leg.

Carrie showed her pictures of the pain in her leg, because vets like doctory stuff.

We kept Maddy and the girls in overnight.

Saturday morning, Amy and Laura came out. They'd swtiched days for chores this week. Loki's always happy to see them. 

He an Amy played with the broom...

...until the game changed! 

It was an odd day for chores, because we didn't have Laura and Amy bring everyone in. After we kept the girls in, I let everyone out in the morning and cleaned stalls before Laura and Amy arrived. I pulled the girls in for a late breakfast once they had some time to stretch their legs.

In between, I set up the sprayer.

Carrie was driver while I played pit crew.

We ran a quick test run of pure water to make sure everything was in order.

We fiddled with the pressure and declared the sprayer ready for service.

The timing couldn't have been better. It was a beautiful Saturday. I was off work to help and storms were predicted for Sunday morning.

We had the horses stalled, but Carrie decided we could keep them in the dry lot if she cut a hole in the fence.

We had spare gate handles, so we planned to use them to reattach the fence later.

After that it was time to play with chemicals. I had to wear gloves and Carrie wore a mask while mowing.

It looked like bright orange paint.

The chemical was a preemergent to stop foxtail from coming up. It should cover the fields for 4 to 6 weeks. We want to keep the baby grass we seeded growing competition free.

And then Carrie went to work.

She started off zig zagging and using the fence posts to keep track of where she sprayed.

Later, she realized that she could turn the mower on. The cut lines were a much better guide to track where she travelled and the pastures needed a cut anyway!

Shane stayed inside for most of this. He wasn't interested in helping. Shane didn't want to practice his Japanese to earn electronics, either, so he spent much of the day twiddling his thumbs (or harassing cats). 

I played some rounds of Zombie Teenz with him, but I had to run outside every half hour or so to refill the mower or take care of some sort of chore.

Carrie would hop out of the mower and place flags down to remind herself where to restart.

The pastures looked nice when she finished up.

She hit the yard around the house next!

It took us about 5.5 hours to finish the task.

Sunday morning, the rain was inbound to hopefully wash the chemicals in as advertised.

It seems like potent stuff. It turned the sprayer yellow!

Carrie installed new gate handles while Shane and I took care of morning chores before it arrived.

The horses weren't allowed on the fields, so there was plenty of poop to scoop.

The storms brought some heavy winds. Ellie called out of evening chores and I was shocked when I let the girls in for dinner. The wind knocked over our feeder!

It's heavy. I wasn't sure Carrie and I would be able to lift it (especially with her knee). 

However, Carrie channeled her inner Xena and we got it up.

Meanwhile, Shane and Loki relaxed inside!

I had hoped to get Shane a playdate over the weekend, but we were 0 for 4. Henry was in quarantine from a potential school exposure, Dylan was with his mom, Hazel was unavailable, and Landie didn't come over Sunday since Ellie called out. Shane will get his chance to be super social when he goes to Nana and Pop's next week, though. Think of this week as a chance to whet his appetite for cousins!

The Post That Wasn't

Sometimes I draft posts in my head. It's less about writing a post and more about organizing my thoughts into a coherent pattern.

Usually, I come up with at least a seed of something I'd like to post....but then I don't. The timing is wrong. I'm busy, tired, and/or distracted and since I don't write the ideas down, POOF! They're gone. It doesn't matter if it was a few (I thought) well worded sentences or a whole essay. 

These have been busy times for me. I spend almost all my time and energy on things that are necessities. I used to write tons of lists to organize my thoughts and be proactive. Lately, I just jump from need to need. Posting isn't a need, so even with taking Sundays off I keep getting behind. I'm writing this post on (4/5) during my Spring Break to catch up. 

And yet, it's not the furthest I've been behind this school year. Despite being so busy, things have been in a decent rhythm. I work all day, but God has kept me from burning out. I've learned ways to be more efficient for my efforts. Carrie feels supported in her struggles, Shane doesn't feel totally ignored, the barn's clean, the house stands, the pets are alive, and work is going well for what it is.

God is good.

Getting Some Games In!

Target had a Buy 2 Get 1 Free sale early February, so I made my first board game purchases of the year. I really wanted to play more games as a family. I picked up The Princess Bride Adventure book game to lure in Carrie (and maybe rewatch the movie). Minecraft Builders and Biomes was to lure in Shane. 

Only it didn't work. 

No one played with me.

I could have forced the issue, but that's not how I roll. I want playing together to be a choice. I almost pulled it off a few times, but it always unraveled. Shane said he only wanted to play if Carrie did and somehow it never happened (Sometimes Shane got the dog barking crazy right before sitting everyone down, sometimes Carrie fell asleep on the couch...).

The third game was just for me.

I used to love the LOTR LCG, but my collection was stolen when someone broke into our moving storage. I wrote it off as "I don't need it to be happy and I'm not paying for the same stuff twice." 

Technically, it's still true. To play 4 players, you have to buy two core sets. I only bought one, so the Buy 2 Get 1 Free sale let me get a second core set for 'free.' I figured it might be fun for nostalgia or to play if I ever had time. 

I hadn't played a month later, but for some reason expansions kept popping up in my online shopping cart. "No, I don't need these," I said and emptied the shopping cart.

Two days later a 15% sale went live. I can't tell you if the devil was tempting me or if God was rewarding me, but I pulled the trigger.

I should have enough content to keep me busy for a year....not that I've played it yet (It's funny how finding something at a great price is a bit of a game on it's own.....and a darned slippery slope).

I didn't give up on the idea of playing more family games, though. I shifted my strategy to buy a game just to play with Carrie and a game just to play with Shane.

That worked! Shane bit and we got a bunch of games of Zombie Teenz in. It's a legacy style game where the more you play you unlock new things. We really enjoyed the first game in the series, Zombie Kidz, before the pandemic ever hit.

Carrie's a big fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, so I hoped to get her to play Marvel Champions with me over Spring Break. I got her to play a learning round with me while Shane was at Nana and Pop's, so the chances are good!

I'd still like to get the whole family to play some games at some point, but that may have to wait for life to get less busy. It should happen at some point!

Making the Classroom Alive

One of my tricks for building a healthy classroom is to let kids doodle on the whiteboards. Doodles are an inevitability, so why not work them out to everyone's advantage?

The recipe is simple once I notice a kid doodling. 

1) I make some sort of comment or joke about their, so they know I noticed them.

2) I don't erase it unless I have to.

At some point, other kids will notice the doodle or the same kid will come back to class and I'll hear something like "Why didn't you erase it?" My response is usually something like, "It amuses me."

My goals here are to establish students can make a mark on the classroom and to build positive interactions.

By not erasing the doodle, I communicate that students have a say in the classroom environment. Most students appreciate that and it tends to generate more doodles. As long as they're appropriate, giving the students a reason to want to come to class is a good thing.

This orange guy "watches" students in a certain chair to make sure they're working.

The student who drew it adds a new feature each time he comes to class! 

Secondly, the doodle gives me a natural conversation starter when I talk to the student. And when I'm really lucky, it draws in more students! That gives me the option of engaging with multiple students or stepping back to let them connect with each other.

It's silly, but the goals are serious: Get students comfortable in the room, make connections, and have some fun!

Vaccination Day for Carrie

Carrie got an email from the Vaccine Administration Management System (VAMS). She was eligible for a shot!

"What time should I sign up for?" Carrie asked.

"How about 1:10 PM?" I said. "My class ends at 12:45, so you could drop Shane off with me then and drive to the site."

Of course, it wasn't that easy.

My class ended at 12:45, but lunch duty started....and it wouldn't end until 1:15.

I told Carrie to put Shane in the Subaru and I'd be out in a minute. I may not have mentioned the words "lunch duty" (Yeah, I clearly didn't). I needed to wait for Mary or Marcell to come by and cover my room. 

Carrie was anxious and wouldn't leave Shane at first. After about five minutes, she gave up when she realized she wouldn't make her appointment if she waited. She wasn't happy!

I came out a couple minutes later. Shane was in the car playing on the Switch. Carrie had bought him a new game! I lowered the windows an inch and told him not to move. He may or may not have heard me, because he was talking nonstop about his new game!

I ran back to my room for some more lunch duty. Marcel had to let me in the building when my key didn't work (go figure). Shane spent about 12 minutes on his own before I was back out.....and I'm not sure he even realized it. I felt a little silly worrying about leaving him unattended, but maybe that was part guilt from realizing I messed up the timing!

I told Shane to put up the Switch, grab his coat, and hop out. I wanted to go on a walk. We walked up the hill towards the shopping center.

Shane protested bringing his coat, but he put it on before we turned back. I let him go off into the woods to pee since I couldn't take him in the building.

We walked, talked, and saw a bunch of firefighters working out in full gear.

The hope was Carrie would get back before I had hall duty. Normally, I started at 1:20, but my partner, Hannah, and I switched times. Hannah said she could do the whole block if needed, but I wanted to get back by 2:05 so I wouldn't have to cover a whole block the next day (45 minutes is doable, but 90 minutes is rough!). 

The timing was off. I was in and out with my shot in 30 minutes, but Carrie was at a new location. My shot had been in a tent outside the Kmart parking lot. Hers was in the old JC Penny's at Fashion Square Mall! I'm thankful that Hannah was willing to do a whole day switch!

Shane and I played for a little bit in the parking lot before I let him hop back on the Switch.

I tried to get a few candid shots, but you can tell Shane noticed.

Shane's goofy, but he doesn't normally look that goofy.

The stinker.

Carrie got back around 2:10. Shane shuffled from one car to the next with his eyes glued to electronics. I went back in and the day moved on. It added a little chaos to the day, but I'm glad that Carrie was able to get her shot!