A Mission Statement

We did an activity in seminar where students had to write a "Mission Statement." The idea was to come up with a sentence or two that defined where you wanted to go in life. The kids, predictably, weren't into it (That's how many seminar activities go).

I stopped for a moment and came up with my own: "I want to do a good job."

When I die, I hope to hear "Well done, you good and faithful servant."  

It's impossible to earn your way into heaven. Jesus paid the price and it's through him we are saved. 

But I want to show fruit. I don't want to be the person who says they knew Jesus and then hear "I don't know you or where you come from. 

So there's freedom, but I put pressure on myself. James says, "...and I will show you my faith by my works," and I want works to show I've been faithful.

I want to be a good husband. 

I want to be a good dad. 

I want to be a good teacher to provide for my family and make a difference in the lives of others. 

I don't always feel like a good husband when Carrie is depressed. I don't always feel like a good dad when I view doing something with Shane as work instead of a joy. And I certainly don't always feel like a good teacher when students act crazy or sit on their phones and refuse to think. 

I think I do a good job for what I have and who I am, but it's tiring. There are days I feel weary and worn down. I take responsibility for things I have no control of. I replay scenes in my head to figure out how I could do things better. I have imaginary conversations about future conversations and get lost in thought until my brain swerves down another path or a task appears that I need to handle. When a day ends roughly, you can be sure I ruminate around it some before bed and on the way to work the next day. 

The story of Martha and Mary always comes to mind when I think about work. Martha works hard while Mary sits with Jesus. When Martha asks Jesus to scold Mary for leaving her to do all the work, Jesus says "Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:42)

Jesus doesn't say work is bad, but he clearly says it's better to spend time with him. 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30 NIV) 

And I struggle with this at times. I feel like I've gotten less joyful and more tired as I've gotten older. Instead of being in the moment or doing things just for fun, I'm constantly aware of other things I could be doing to serve my family or students. 

These are not new thoughts or feelings. From an old blog post: 

"Both times I've been acknowledged for being a good teacher in Cville I have not felt like a good teacher. I've felt like a man tired and under pressure who's making mistakes and doesn't always know what to do. I've felt like I'm trying to do my best and to not burn out at the same time. I've felt heavily invested and when kids hit bumps I've felt reverberations. 

Right now, I'm teaching up to my last days in the city and it feels like the success of the past four years are riding on the next five days."

I feel like I could write more on this topic. There's more I want to say! But even if I do extensive edits and rewrites, but I feel like I'll never get my feelings down exactly or eloquently enough. It's something I'm living out.

And I'm behind enough on the blog as is, so I need to hit publish and move on!.

My prayer is that the Holy Spirit will refresh me and refocus me enough each day to do what God wants me to do and that I will find enough joy in it and then enough rest in Him each night to do it again.