John (The Backlog!)

Travis' death was a surprise.

John's decline has been gradual.

At this point, John does not respond to texts or phone calls. I've been worried about his mental health since before the pandemic. He's stated that he wants everyone to just forget about him, because he's changed and it's better that way. 

My response has been to reply he's worth remembering and to keep reaching out. I try to text 2 or 3 times a month. I don't want to do it too often, because I'm concerned he'd block my number. '

I took some screenshots of texts and dates, but I won't post them here. John's always been a private person. He avoided social media entirely, so I know he wouldn't want me to post them even though he's ghosted me.

If we lived closer, I would drop in on him like I used to when we were younger. That was easy to do when he was ~ 6 minutes away (2.2 miles). If I whiffed, I went home, to Huntsman square, or continued down the road to somewhere. Now that the drive is over 2 hours one way and I have a family, I can't do that.

Or should I? It's something I've second-guessed myself on from time to time.

The last time I saw John in person was over a year ago. I had to ambush him. I called the library he worked at, asked for information, and when I heard his voice come on the line I knew he was there. Shane and I were at the Jeffers, so we hoped in the car and drove over. John hung out behind the desk at first, but he came out to say hi eventually. His answers were clipped, slightly edgy, and he radiated "Let's wrap this up, because I don't want to do this." 

The last time I heard John's voice, was when I was driving to SC to pick Shane up over the summer. I called while driving. He picked up and said, "Hello?" I started to speak and he hung up. Maybe it was a new phone or reflex, because he stopped picking up for my calls before I ambushed him in person to say hi.

John is a brother from another mother to me. Shane has considered him an uncle for most of his life. I keep him in my prayers and hope for a breakthrough, but it hasn't happened yet. I wonder if I should do more. I feel a little guilty when I got longer between texts (say once in a month), but I'm not sure what else to do. Calling John's parents historically causes a s*** storm in his life and makes everything way worse. That's been consistent from the time I met him in middle school.

So prayers for John are always appreciated. I think he needs them.